Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago. Either way, these were 15 of the funniest tweets we saw this week.
he’s scared of the fireworks so my mom put on some dog videos for him ❤️ pic.twitter.com/VTjYa6YIcK
— emily (@spaghemily) July 5, 2016
When two women wearing gym clothes bump into one another in Starbucks, they turn into a yoga mat.
— ∀LLEY C∀T (@deardilettante) July 3, 2016
ME: are those nachos for everyone
FRIEND: oh yea
[careless whisper sax part starts playing]
— lil jon lovitz (@nbadag) July 3, 2016
I’m pretty sure these Trump spokesmen are all just Trump in Nutty Professor makeup. pic.twitter.com/ihxzPvVaLZ
— Brendan McDonald (@ProducerMcD) June 30, 2016
When guys sext what they want to do to you it sounds like a ridiculous game of Clue.
— Sassafrantz (@Sassafrantz) June 30, 2016
2 more months till burning man…cant wait to pay $390 to get the gender beaten out of me with bamboo stakes in a dojo made of stolen copper
— baby genius (@adultblackmale) June 29, 2016
Whenever I feel sad I remember that Jackie Chan once posted this on his official Facebook page. pic.twitter.com/qjFBwtuS6N
— Karl Smallwood (@KarlSmallwood) July 6, 2016
。☆。☆ 。★ 。
100% of firework
displays end with
saying “is that it?”
。☆。☆ ° ☆。
☆。 ★。☆ °★
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) July 5, 2016
1300s: I’m dying from the Black Plague
1800s: I’m 9 and work in a factory
1900s: I’m off to fight in a war
2000s: IM OFFENDED
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) July 2, 2016
*uses jewelers eye thing to appraise a piece of cinnamon toast crunch*
— Joeseph (@sad_tree) July 22, 2015
It’s important to vary your diet. Like, yesterday I had popcorn & a margarita for dinner so tonight I’m having popcorn & wine for dinner.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) July 7, 2016
wife: I was saving that
me [eating bacon] It expires today
*wife checks package*
*sees I crossed out the date and wrote “today”*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) July 6, 2016
The year is 2054. My casket’s being lowered into the landfill. My grandson Chipotle starts to play Taps on his iBugle. A 15 second ad plays.
— literally a gun (@JermHimselfish) June 15, 2016
“Rolls Royce” is my favorite car that sounds like an Australian describing a sushi chef
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) September 2, 2014
I was just told “everyone at work thinks you’re arrogant” but it didn’t upset me because I work with a bunch of morons.
— Nice Eric (@ericsshadow) June 29, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.