Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the top tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
Me: I need a doctor’s appointment
Receptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: No I don’t need that many
— Marf (@MarfSalvador) September 1, 2017
CAVEMAN: *hiccups for the first time*
CAVEMAN: Okay what the f-*hiccup*
— P o n k (@P_o_n_k) September 4, 2017
Jodie from HR: Through god, all things are possible
Me: Okay do a kickflip
Me: Do a double kickflip right now
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) August 3, 2017
*son goes missing for a week*
wife: maybe ask your twitter followers for help
me: that would be extremely off-brand linda
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) September 2, 2017
*watching The Revenant*
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Taking notes for when I fight a bear.
— JC Tarp (@jctwritesstuff) May 6, 2016
so disappointed after seeing this photo & realizing that’s a third llama in the back & not the arm of the right llama ringing a little bell pic.twitter.com/LM1yhbkW0M
— Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) September 12, 2017
Age 10: I’m going to be a rockstar
Age 20: I might learn an instrument someday
Age 30: I hope a piano lands on me
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) August 9, 2017
Welcome to the new economy baby! Your car is a taxi now. Your apartment is a hotel. Shut up
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) September 9, 2017
*Judges others online while eating spaghetti in bed*
— Comedic Bust (@ComedicBust) September 8, 2017
the cvs cashier asked me how im doing as i put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. “not great man ive got diarrhea” i told him
— deg (@degg) October 13, 2013
I don’t trust people who want to get to know me. Why do you want a friend all of a sudden? Where are your other friends? What did you do…
— Alexa (@TheWoodenslurpy) April 12, 2016
Weird how there are so many songs about love and only one about dumps like a truck
— Jess (@jessokfine) September 9, 2017
ooh look its me the writer. I put my bad dumb thoughts on paper because Im scared of being dead
— Sensuall Quotes 😍 (@thetomzone) February 16, 2017
Kid: Mom, what was it like before the internet?
Me: Some people didn’t even know how much we all hated each other. It was crazy
— It’s Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) September 10, 2017
This dude at work is named “Aron,” and it’s like we know it’s weird to spell “Aaron” with two As but it’s what we all decided
— Mary Sasson (@marysasson) September 13, 2017
If you need even more, you can check out all of the funny tweets from last week.