Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago. Either way, these were 15 of the best tweets we saw this week.
Eight years in office and only now do we discover Obama has no shins and muppet feet pic.twitter.com/XkwSlcjUwu
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) November 10, 2016
[Jesus’ dating profile]
I love wine that’s made from water, taking long walks on the ocean and going to supper w my friends.
— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) November 16, 2016
things you should never say to guys with depression:
1) im kicking your ass, sad boy
2) i heard you have depression… prepare to die fool
— Mike F (@mikefossey) August 21, 2015
biden: cmon you gotta print a fake birth certificate, put it in an envelope labeled “SECRET” and leave it in the oval office desk
obama: joe pic.twitter.com/UTtv1JkE5o
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) November 11, 2016
STRIPPER: so you’re the birthday boy
ME: *nervous* yes
STRIPPER: is this your first time?
ME: *points to cake* no i’m turning 26
— Ally Gator (@notacroc) November 15, 2016
My pet peeve is when people type “sneak peak”. It’s Snake Peak, and it’s the most dangerous mountain on the continent.
— blank (@malt_skull) November 6, 2016
When someone says ‘don’t be anxious’ and your anxiety is cured pic.twitter.com/NNy52LspkD
— Dee (@figgled) November 11, 2016
mom: his first word!
baby: c-cut my life into pieces
this is my last resort
— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) November 10, 2016
ENOUGH WITH THE TIE-DYE, GABRIEL! This is not a high school production of Godspell, you’re off robe duty. pic.twitter.com/7UUz4DsCyL
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) November 10, 2016
— St Peter (@stpeteyontweety) July 8, 2016
My son just told our kitten that life is terrifying.
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) December 6, 2015
TRUMP: Let’s get that Muslim Band going
“Band? We thought you said ban”
TRUMP: No way, that’s harsh. Also, how’s that Mexican mall coming?
— Todd ‘Papi’ Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) November 9, 2016
This mannequin just threw a textbook in the garbage and told me to call it by its first name pic.twitter.com/VLdvMBY17g
— Emmett Morrison (@EmmettMorrison) October 19, 2016
Reince Priebus sounds like Scooby Doo saying nice penis
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) July 31, 2016
every one is so dumb these days because all the popular songs are about dancing and kisses and not about reading books
— local badboy-elect (@hippieswordfish) November 4, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.