It’s not easy to be a new parent, but the challenges are different if you’re the one who pushed that baby out of your body, or had it removed through surgical means. You’re in recovery and that recovery can take a long time. Anyone who has been through it understands that things don’t snap back to normal right away—especially when it comes to sex after a C-section.
That might be why so many moms were enraged by this story published by The Cut called “Three Dads On Sex With New Moms.” None of the three men in the story are having much sex, and two of them don’t seem very concerned about it at the moment. They’re figuring out parenthood and taking it slow.
One of the new dads, however, is frustrated by the irritations of daily life without sex to take some of the pressure off. A quote from him was used when the story was put on Twitter, and it’s pretty inflammatory:
“My wife had a C-section, so there’s really no physical issue with her body. She’s just tired all the time. I’m tired too but never too tired to have sex” https://t.co/3Wl7KjqbJg
— The Cut (@TheCut) July 4, 2019
The quote makes it sound like he wanted her to be DTF as soon as she came home from the hospital, with her stitches in, but the actual operation took place three years before he shared his perspective with The Cut. This is the full quote:
“I’d really like to have more sex. My wife had a C-section, so there’s really no physical issue with her body. She’s just tired all the time. I’m tired too but never too tired to have sex. I’ve tried to bring it up a few times and she’s basically like, “F*ck you, shut up.” Which I respect … but … I feel a little stuck in a situation that doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’m not sure what to do about it.”
Hey, it’s his wife’s right to not prioritize sex in her relationship. She’s a mom, she’s tired, and those things aren’t interesting to her. It’s also not crazy to be three years into a marriage where your sexual needs aren’t being met and to feel frustrated.
I’d recommend couple’s therapy, but most people on Twitter recommended this man get thrown in jail (metaphorically):
…”no physical issue with her body?” From a C-section? This man is an idiot.
— Emily Mills #Warren2020 (@millbot) July 4, 2019
We’re gonna need a deeper bin.
— Ms D 🌈 (@msdwrites) July 5, 2019
Someone once said on this app, “if sexuality were a choice, why would anyone choose men” and I think of it often
— Ashley Alese Edwards (@AshleyAlese) July 5, 2019
— Capt. America’s Sidechick (@DoctorB99) July 5, 2019
exactly!!!! what a drip. 😫 I feel so sorry for his wife.
— 🥑 (@bardera17) July 5, 2019
My wife does 90% of domestic labor and I just don’t get why she’s so tired when I’m not.
— Cancel Couture. (@Weiss_Tea) July 5, 2019
“tHeRe’s ReAlLy No pHySiCaL iSsUe WiTh HeR bOdY”
yes, of course major surgery doesn’t require rest/healing. and post-partum hormonal shifts aren’t a real thing. and your body producing milk doesn’t require any extra energy. and new mothers are NEVER sleep-deprived 🙄 #gtfoh pic.twitter.com/7V8exk3cxu
— Dalilah Marton (@iNvEsTiGaT0R) July 5, 2019
— Christina D (@SingMyBlu) July 5, 2019
I remember when I had a C-section the nurse told me something I never forgot as I wondered when my body would be back to “normal”. She said, “Take it easy on yourself. You just had major surgery. You just got a baby out of the deal.”
— Hannah Drake (@HannahDrake628) July 5, 2019
No one should pressure their partner for sex, ever, and having kids can change the bedroom dynamic for a while or forever. The best thing to do is talk about it in a healthy way. And don’t share your story with a huge online publication.
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