11.
I kept Last Years’ Resolutions!
– don’t get pregnant
– always return my shopping cartThey’re the same every year.
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) December 31, 2018
12.
My New Year’s resolution is to be more efficient. So I’m giving up on it right now instead of wasting all January acting like I can achieve it.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) December 30, 2018
13.
New Years Resolution: find out what’s in pop tarts
— Timothy Granaderos (@TGranaderos) December 26, 2018
14.
My wife asked me what my New Years resolution is going to be. I shrugged.
My wife said that her New Years resolution is for her to eat “clean”, which means she has decided that my New Years resolution is also going to be that I eat “clean.”— Jeremy Babineaux (@Jbabs001) December 30, 2018
15.
My New Year’s resolution is to be less of an outright bitch and more of a secret bitch.
— Martha Kelly (@MarthaKelly3) December 31, 2018
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This.👇👇👇https://t.co/P6DvHhplTe
— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) December 29, 2018
16.
My New Years resolution is to convince as many people as possible that “hillbilly” is short for “mountain William”
— emma 💥 (@e_tny) December 27, 2018
17.
I guess my grandma just made my New Years resolution for me pic.twitter.com/uDqG3XbRVJ
— George Hart (@hartattack99) December 30, 2018
18.
RESOLUTIONS:
– find source of “the smell”
– do more twitter
– file 2008-2016 taxes
– reclaim shower from raccoons
– no more mr. two pubes— dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) December 30, 2018
19.
New year new me
New year new m
New year new
New year ne
New year n
New year
New yea
New ye
New y
New
Ne
N
Ne
Nev
Neve
Never
Never m
Never mi
Never min
Never mind
Never mind f
Never mind fo
Never mind forg
Never mind forge
Never mind forget
Never mind forget i
Never mind forget it— JAMES ᴮᵁᵀ ᴳᴬᵞ (@jamesxingleton) December 26, 2018
20.
my new years resolution is to never find out what bird box is
— maura quint (@behindyourback) December 29, 2018