Edward
Just when we thought we’d escaped 2018 without being subjected to yet another grotesquery, Twitter user Jayden Paynne dropped the following video on his account. The caption reads, “idk what i thought a turtle’s penis looked like… but it definitely wasn’t this 😂🐢” and honestly needs no further explanation besides: DUDE, CAUTION.
I’m serious. Proceed at your own risk. The viscera of what you are about to watch cannot be explained by words; if a picture is worth a thousand of them, this video is worth millions. It cannot be forgotten. You’ve been warned.
https://twitter.com/JaydenPaynne/status/1079155865582792706
The video garnered over 55,000 likes and nearly 35,000 comments upon its Twitter debut three days before the start of the new year. Reactions were, unsurprisingly, shocked, outraged, and nauseated.
— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) January 2, 2019
https://twitter.com/DeadBdiesDavis/status/1080195973979226113
— just be a rock (@iamjulesme) January 2, 2019
https://twitter.com/juilliannn/status/1080353790941773824
https://twitter.com/lillylenora27/status/1080316123109675008
And while some were grossed out, others felt as though it was cruel to force dude-turtle to pull out like that for the mere purpose of human entertainment.
the heck??? can yall just let them be and mate?????!!!!! https://t.co/crIMpKs4Vo
— gabby (@laurengabyannaa) January 2, 2019
https://twitter.com/izzatznl/status/1080451180688478209
https://twitter.com/TitusNation/status/1080327722214121472
https://twitter.com/DarkMatter297/status/1080476901628506115
Yo he's got a HAMMER. G-spot accuracy 100% / stroke boi goddamn. Good for him.😂 https://t.co/FCE0hegBb2
— Bron Goat (@JesseBrown__14) January 2, 2019
https://twitter.com/LarsR131313/status/1080468282791084032
So, there you have it. Also, this is technically a tortoise and not a turtle, but who cares? Now you saw it, and you’ll never be able to unsee it. Happy 2019!
