Dan Wilbur
Being a good host, according to the Ancient Greeks, was an act revered by the Gods. That’s why so much of the Odyssey is about treating people nicely before getting on with what a character has to say.
Guests, on the other hand, often do not show any respect for their host.
There are no rules, it seems. But there should be. That’s why the Suitors living in Odysseus’ house needed to be killed. Not because they tried to seduce his wife, but because they had their dirty feet on the couch and kept eating all his food. It’s true. Look it up.
Today, the same holds true. Before you can kick your shoes off with an old friend and break out the board games, you need to tell them where the towels are, and where to find coffee and soap in the morning. But, guests often take advantage of the goodwill their hosts show them. Case in point, every horror story on this list.
They’re not bad people, necessarily. They are, however bad guests.
These are the worst example of how people acted while staying over at another person’s home:
1. Be nice to all the people who live in the house, please.
“One of my ex’s douche buddies brought over this horrible girl he just started dating. I have a good amount of cats, and they are al insanely friendly. My old man kitty, Buddy, jumped up on the armrest of the couch she was sitting on to check out the newcomer and get some pets. Without missing a beat she shoved him hard to the floor and made a loud “UCK!” Sound.
I stood right up, pointed to the door, and sternly said “He lives here. You don’t. Leave.” Probably not as bad as most here, but it infuriated me. She was was never allowed back.” –BroffaloSoldier
2. She’s bad news.
“Lost my friend of 30 years over this: He brings a woman over for a small get together. She encourages my pregnant wife to drink, asks our friend if she’s bisexual (she’s not). She comes into the kitchen, grabs knives and pretends to stab everyone while doing knife Katas.
Later she chases the not bisexual friend all over the house in what to all of us felt very rapey– I physically stop her by grabbing her wrists and say “What the hell is going on with you?” She replies, “Go ahead, break my wrists.”
The not bisexual friend (who was so upset she took a self-defense course) made up an excuse to stay in the bathroom for an hour.
We had a fire outside where the weird guest remarked, “There are three things you can watch forever, a river flowing, fire burning, and someone being hurt.”
My friend of 30 years saw no problem with any of this behavior, married her, and I’ve not heard from him in a year nor do I wish to. I saw him in the supermarket with his now pregnant wife– and slipped out. I assume at some point she will murder him.” –chetsnaker
3. Don’t feed the fish (booze).
“Someone at a party dumped a cup of vodka in my fish tank because “your fish look bored! hahaha!” … I kicked everyone out and had to change out all the water before they died.” –Murky-Purple
4. Don’t poop where you eat.
“My sister and one of her friends were over. Her friend had brought her kid. He was about 7. We left him watching tv in the living room while we had coffee in the other room. Later that evening, I sat on the couch and smelled something absolutely disgusting. I looked behind the couch (it was one of those curved ones that goes into a corner and leaves a nook behind it) and saw a huge pile of diarrhea. It had already fused with the carpet. I had to cut the entire corner of carpet away while wearing a dust mask sprayed with cologne.
That kid shit on my carpet.” –Amithrius
5. Wetting all the beds.
“Friends of a relative stayed the night at our place with their kids while we were out of town. We asked if the children wet the bed so we could put plastic sheets down. They were confident the kids wouldn’t wet the bed so we let it be. We come home to find 2 of the beds (new matresses) soaked in piss – not even stripped or changed. The kids had wet the bed in the night, moved to another bed and wet again. 3 weeks later we found used diapers under one of the beds. Never said thank you, never said sorry.” –Schlepti
6. I don’t remember doing that. Hmmm.
“I was having a house party years ago. A pair of girls went into the bathroom together. Not uncommon. Well, one of them decided to take a piss in my sink and accidentally dropped a loaf. They come out laughing and telling everyone someone must have shit in my sink. I was literally the last person in that bathroom before them. I even watched them walk in. And I don’t remember shitting in my own sink. After confronting them, they got pissed off and left. Didn’t even bother cleaning the turd out of my sink.” –shitterplug
7. This is just strange behavior.
“Roommate’s boyfriend comes over drunk. Roommate was not there but he said he wanted to wait for her, and we were too non-confrontational to make him leave. After a while, he goes into the bathroom and we can hear lots of splashing around, but again, too timid to ask wtf is going on in there. He comes out, sits down, and we notice his arms are completely covered in black marker. Then he says “you might want to clean up the bathroom. there is water all over in there.” and leaves.
He had taken a fucking black sharpie, colored his arms, then tried cleaning it off and when it wouldn’t come off he got the marker wet and splashed black sharpie water all over the entire bathroom. There were puddles of purple sharpie water all over the floor. It stained the linoleum and, despite our roommate’s attempts to clean it up, we ended up losing security deposit money over it.
He was no longer allowed over without her there.” –HotDishEnthusiast
8. Good work, lady.
“My brothers girlfriend took a two hour shower with the shower curtain outside of the tub and flooded our upstairs bathroom. The water eventually started pouring out from the light fixtures in our kitchen.” –willdabeastest
9. Like… frequently? More than once?
“A stranger decided he would cum on my futon at my college house.” –Guy_Fieri_69
10. At least fix the bed.
“Oh, I have one. NYE 2017. A male friend from out of town asked to stay in my spare bedroom with his new girlfriend. No problem for me, as I have 3 spares. We party as a group at a local bar and Uber home separately. I go to bed alone and as i am passing by his room I hear him and his girlfriend talking in their room.
I needed to pee and take my contacts out, so I opened the door to the bathroom only to find a stark naked woman drinking water, holding onto the sink for dear life! I simply shut the door and went into my room. I realized she was the woman he had a one night stand with 2 weeks prior….in that spare bedroom. She finishes her water and marches into their bedroom. They end up having the noisiest threesome I have ever heard. To be fair, it was the only threesome I have ever heard.
To make matters worse, they tell me in the morning the bed is broken. The three of them thrusted the wooden bed frame to pieces!
It is June and I am still Gorilla gluing planks together.” –Afrack04
11. Kids do the darnedest things.
“I used to host extravagant yearly parties at my house as a thank you to everyone who worked for me. Significant others were fine, but I stressed that young kids were not welcome, because it was an adult party and the house/garden just weren’t child-friendly.
One of the guests who’s a mother decided to bring her 4 children anyway, all under the age of 12, and leave them completely unattended. I walked into my master bedroom halfway through to find they had filled a dirt hole in the garden with water from a hose, made goopy mud pies, stomped around in them, come back inside and crawled into my bed under the covers, and ground their shoes intentionally into my pillow and all the bedding. They also took all the clothes out of my closet, put them on, threw them on the floor and stepped on those, and ruined two rugs on the way.
The mom’s response: ‘Haha! Well, that’s just how kids are, you know. You’ll understand once you decide to finally grow up and have some.'” –ReshKayden
12. Change your look wherever you are.
“I once had a guest shave his entire beard at a party. It was the first time me or my roomate met him. He had a beard, and then went and used my roomates razor to shave it off.” –BartlebyFpv
13. Sit down, please.
“I had a friend who had some kind of fucked up urethra. It made him have multiple streams when he pissed. But he fucking REFUSED to sit down and pee, because ‘that’s for women’. He apparently also refused to clean up after himself.
Everytime he left my house, without fail, I’d have to use a mop to clean up his piss. I called him out on it, and he laughed like I should be laughing with him. We weren’t friends long.” –ToTheMunAndBack
14. I also would like to do this.
“My friend’s autistic son completely disassembled my VCR in the middle of the night. (This was in the early 90s)” –WhiskeyInSpace
15. The party thrower.
“We were going on a trip and we told a family friend he could crash at our house while we gone but he would have to take care of things and pay for his own food and such. Halfway throughour trip we get a call from the police. Apparently he threw a huge party which trashed the house, then proceeded to take one of our cars and drive it through the front of the house, totalling the car and collapsing most of the front wall.
This was last week. We had to cut our trip short and come home to deal with this. We are currently in the process of pressing charges.” -anonymous
