Dan Wilbur
31. A lot of pee stories.
“We had two futons in our common space in one of my college dorm rooms. We woke up one morning to leave for breakfast, walked through the common room and noticed that both futons had giant wet spots on them. Someone came into our room and peed on BOTH futons. We had one shady ass roommate who we all suspected, but we don’t know for sure. Were there two of them? Did one person pee one futon then move to the other and also pee there? The world may never know…” –mssrwbad
32. Greetings, strange man. Please come in.
“A co-worker of my husband’s just walked in our back door one night and had the gall to call me a bitch when I told him I was going to call the cops if he didn’t leave. Apparently, he thought it would be fine to just walk in because “your husband knows I’m coming over; why are you freaking out?” I’d never met this guy, our kid was asleep, and my husband (who wasn’t supposed to be home from work for a couple more hours) hadn’t texted me that Dude was coming over; of course I’m going to freak out!” –ServantofShemhazai
33. At least clean up after yourselves.
“Heroin. They forgot their needles out, a discovery made after seeing my cat playing with them.” –SilverHaze024
34. I can’t decide which item is more valuable.
“Stole some of my underwear. Also stole my xbox 360 and sold it for drug money.” –UnnamedNamesake
35. Don’t flush that.
“I was throwing a birthday party for my daughter at our house and we have a septic system. Well rule #1 of a septic is you don’t flush anything other than toilet paper. EVER. Well during the party i guess a bunch of people started flushing baby wipes down the toilet. Long story short, our septic started backing up in the middle of the party and after that it all turned to shit.” –terminallynerdy
36. This is why there are laws.
“When I was younger our landlord used to come by a little too often to “check up” on us. I remember I would get so frustrated because he would act as if the house was his even though he had legal ownership of it. He’d put his bare ass feet on the couch and would ask me to get him snacks from our kitchen. I wish I was older then so I could’ve kicked him in his stupid throat.” –y3llowdaze
37. This is the weirdest one but sounds like a fun party.
“I had a rager of a party a few years back and some dude decided to make a “soup” in my bathtub.
He was very inclusive in his approach and allowed anyone to add their own “ingredients”, but he was the chef and protected it all night. I didn’t find out until the early morning because I was busy being off my tits and all that.
Included in the soup was: vomit, blood, a couple condoms (not used), a shit ton of water, spirits and beer – some noodles, pasta, cereal, milk and a fish someone had taken from my neighbours pond which subsequently died.” –ChiefBigwilly
38. Don’t do this to new parents.
“My wife and I were having my high school friends over for some hanging out when our twins were 4 months old. For those without kids, the first few months with a newborn are BRUTAL because you’re sleep deprived, having a constant mental battle of “I should sleep” vs. “I should clean/be productive/be social”, etc., and it’s even worse with multiples.
So, needless to say we put on our happy faces, made the house presentable (though not pristine) and opened the door. My friend’s wife walked in and immediately says “Wow, it’s not very neat in here. Couldn’t you have cleaned?” I’m fairly certain my wife almost committed a crime that day.” –KyleRichXV
Cover image credit, Flickr/Dyeinleft
