Hannah Riley
If you have ever been a housekeeper or nanny, you have probably seen some pretty crazy stuff. Even if someone tries to hide something, the help will definitely find out exactly what your secrets are. People on Reddit are answering the question, “What do you know about the owners of the house that they don’t want you to know?” They’re sharing the juiciest housekeeper secrets they have (anonymously, of course).
1. Big ol’ tip.
Missus sends me to the store when she fucks the landscaper. But I hate her husband too and she tips well. –LowerEstablishment2
2. Relationship goals.
Not a housekeeper but a nanny. A family once took me on vacation with them so I could watch their kids while they‘d go out and explore the area. That week, my bed was the couch in the living room. It’s late at night, the kids are sleeping, I’m laying on the couch and the parents get back. The dad says, “is she sleeping” referring to me? I didn’t say anything so apparently, he assumed yes. He then started farting very loudly. –sisof2
3. Good for them.
I’m a nanny. The last family worked for I overheard the Dad calling his insurance asking if a certain rehab was covered. He talks LOUD naturally. I heard what he was going for and everything. Nobody knew not family not friends. Just me and them. They never knew I knew. –Thesugarsky
4. Hard pass from me.
My friend who cleans houses said she once had a girl who left dirty pads all over her room. She refused to clean it –nightmaremain
5. I want this house.
The house I used to work at had a secret passage from the master bedroom to the attic, also a secret passage from a cabinet in the great room leading to the exterior of the garage. –madiet6uwu
6. This is so cool.
A bit of an innocent one but while I was cleaning I saw this cabinet that was very large. Like someone could fit a body in there. So, being curious, I opened it and saw A WHOLE ROOM. It was crazy! Inside there was a bed and lights attached to these tall wood pieces. Then a mini bookshelf with some books and a desk and computer. It was absolutely amazing. -Lemmehear
7. Not on the mantle?
Where she keeps her dildos. It’s not obvious. –Yaarty
8. This woman is awesome.
I’m not a housekeeper but my late aunt used to be. One of her clients, who was fairly well-to-do, had a whole closet full of genital themed toys. And when I say “toys,” I’m not using a euphemism for “sex enhancement items” or anything like that. Literal genital toys. Windup penises with googly eyes on them, PEZ dispensers shaped like the most browsed pages of a skin mag (I suspect these weren’t official PEZ brand), rather risque variants on “pin the tail on the donkey”, a Nerf-like gun that fired foam phalluses . . . -Times_Hunger
9. Sure, the “previous owner.”
There’s a secret basement in the house behind a shelf in the kitchen, the previous owner did it. –Batman55599
10. They see it all.
When you cheat on your all-organic keto diet –MediumSpaces
11. I hope he’s happy.
Man of the house ask me and the other cleaning crew ladies if we have ever seen this type of dog leash. Holds up what is clearly an under-bed restraint system looking confused. I didn’t say shit. We all looked at each other like “fuck no I’m not telling him” he says “mmm, maybe she wants a dog. Why was it under the mattress ???” He just wandered off dragging this thing behind him.
He was a nice guy who worked a lot, tipped well, gave us holiday bonuses. She was a trophy wife and was not nice to him. They divorced while I still worked there, he got a dog named mayonnaise and was much happier. It was a rescued greyhound. Sweet dog. I don’t live in that town anymore but I hope Mr Jim is happy still. –Kantotheotter
12. Good for her!
Dog walker here. I was dog-sitting for an older work friend once and saw her “days sober” calendar. I was simultaneously sad, because I had no idea she was struggling, and happy for her because she had almost a full month marked off. –cleanandclaire
13. Your secret is safe with me.
That she got a DUI. Typical religious white-collar family; husband, wife, and 4 teen kids. She had one of those at home breathalyzer tests from the court sitting in the master bathroom, it takes your picture as you blow into it and it sends it to your probation officer. I only know because I was on probation a few years ago and had one too. Curiosity got the best of me and I looked at her public record…yup. DUI and she messed up on probation too, had another court date. After that, I started noticing 12 step books and such. –LunaTheFerret
14. Are you my mom?
My cleaning guy caught me leaving the house once. Said he knew I smoked pot because he’d find stuff for it a lot and asked if he could find me some for a camping trip with his wife.
I freaked a little after he just said “I know you do marijuana”. I was like am I catching a lecture. –420Minions
15. Oof.
Haven’t been a housekeeper in years but we can always tell when your marriage is falling apart. The amount of “giving up” is clear. –squeaktoy_la
16. Goths represent.
Buddy of mine used to clean houses with his mom. He told me about this one massive mansion they would clean and how there were no mirrors in the entire house. There also weren’t a lot of windows and if there were, they had thick drapes. He met the family only once and told me they were very pale and quiet people.
He worked for f*cking vampires –drop-mylife-away
17. I’d love to read this book.
Honestly, everything. I worked in a house manager/butler type of position, and there is nothing you don’t find out eventually. The trajectory of the toothpaste droplets on the mirror would tell me which of the women had spent the night. I knew passwords to computers, alarm systems, bank accounts, and safes that I hadn’t necessarily been provided with. Drugs, kinks, medical history, sordid family secrets, skeletons in the closet, you name it. I think that’s the reason salaries get obscene if you stay long enough, your silence is literally golden. –CopingMole
18. Whips and chains.
One of my most “vanilla” customers doesn’t know I know about her bondage fetish. She seems like she would be a kindergarten teacher, it caught me off guard when I saw her ropes/cuffs. –sm0kahontas710
19. Relationship drama.
House cleaner of two clients who are…well…were dating each other. Guy client (we will call N) has no clue what we know about him, the female client (we will call L) is a little more in the loop of what we know.
N apparently cheated on L with a woman (K) who broke up his previous marriage(s). L found out and dumped him. He tried to get back together with L even calling and texting multiple times a day. He did that for two weeks and suddenly went quiet, which clued L that he was sleeping with K again.
I cleaned a few days later and sure enough, K’s shoes were hidden under the couch (not a usual place). I didn’t realize being in a soap opera was part of the job description.
Special note: N has 3 vibrators. Wth does a guy need three vibrators?
Short Version: guy client cheated on female client… twice. Surprise Dildos. –throwawaymoldylies
20. A good call to quit.
Once cleaned a house for a woman that worked from home. It was a huge house and there she was at her desk on the phone…
I started cleaning that area and she chatted away…
“Mhmm. I got me a white b*tch cleanin’ up after me. If my mama could see me now. Yes sir! She worked for them white folk thirty years. Imma beat this little white girl like them folk did to my mama.” After saying this she turned in her chair and saw me as I was walking by, as if I just come into the room. She had no clue I heard her.
I feel where she’s coming from but I stopped going to her house….for obvious reasons. –Starving_Slacker
21. Big tips though!
Nice columbian family. Big tipping. They import coke from Columbia. –garmento1944
22. Can I use it?
That their closet has a secret panic room in it that is actually a dungeon –MiddleCoconut7
23. They get around.
They did well to hide it but I know both of them are having affairs. She gets really giddy the week she meets her lover. She is usually quite dowdy in the way she dresses, but puts on much younger looking items to meet her man. The week she doesn’t meet him is the week she is more glum but gets bombarded with messages so she is stuck in her phone.
He, on the other hand, he is a lot harder to catch. I find seemingly innocuous handwritten telephone numbers and names (always female) on scraps of paper. He is a professional that works all over the world and travels a lot and has a massive network so it is part of the job.
However, in his bin, wrapped in tissue paper I’ll find a torn-off section of paper with a room number and presumably time written on it. This method is used with at least 7 different women judging by the different styles of handwriting. I’m pretty sure he is banging more than that though. –imakeenwon
