People have different tastes and different ideas as to what topics of conversation excite them the most. But when talking to an old friend, a new love interest, a random acquaintance you met half-drunk at the bar, there is really only one question that keeps absolutely everyone engaged, intrigued, and possibly even aroused:
“What’s your darkest desire?”
Lucky for us, the people of Reddit are sharing their own dark desire and, as expected, it’s getting a little wild. These answers are chilling, naughty, and most importantly, really funny.
Here are 22 Reddit users’ darkest desires.
1. The ultimate unboxing dream
“I kinda wanna steal a UPS car to open all these boxes they are delivering. Like a big mystery box opening.” –Le3e31
2. So much better than scrolling Zillow
“I really want a house, but I’m a poor person, so I concocted a plan to murder the people in a house and then show up when it’s for sale. I figure a haunted house will be cheaper. If I picked a house that’s too nice I may need to repeat to bring the price down. The realtor will say “you know.. there have been a lot of murders here..” and I’ll just have a secret smile, knowing I’ll be safe.” –stellaluna92
3. The great escape
“I wanna stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes.” –penadryl
4. A very detailed screw-the-boss fantasy
“I have this fantasy where everyone in my office kicks in $10 for the Mega Millions. Everyone except my boss and that asshole from IT that no one can stand. The next day we hit the jackpot, $500+ million gets divided up. We all quit. The business closes. My boss looses everything, and IT asshole has to just go look for a new job.” –MakeTVGreatAgain
5. If you set your mind to it
“I don’t know why I want to know what it feels like to be stabbed but I want to know what it feels like to be stabbed.” –Jackielegs93
6. It’s called property tax evasion
To live in a cave on the land of a rich man and be a hermit. Occasionally paraded to guests for their amusement.” –TheBoringRogue
7. High fantasy
“I don’t know. I guess a Ring of Power would be pretty great. It’d be fun to amass an army with it.” –Lord_Antheron
8. I’m guessing they either work in food service or retail
“I want to kill my sh*tty customers sometimes I guess.” –xxminie
9. I hear Botox also works
“To be an ageless vampire. Really.” –You-Get-No-Name
10. There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the coffin
“I want to dig up bodies like Edgar Allan Poe and Picasso just to see how they look and what they were buried with.” –rawsonnick05
11. Have you considered getting into politics?
“Making it into history books through committing a very publicized crime. The thing that spoils that fantasy is that I don’t want to serve any time in prison, let alone life, and the chances that it’d be that way are just too high. Also, I’m still young, can make history in other, more conventional ways.” –maciej_telecaster
12. You’re never too old to follow your dreams
“When I was five I assumed it would be “to defrost an entire tub of ice cream and then drink it.” –Magda_Sophia
13. Did we learn nothing from the 2000’s blockbuster movie, What Women Want?!
“To know what everyone around me thinks so I know exactly what to say to them.” –Divine_Godesss
14. But thick thighs SAVE lives.
“To be crushed by female thighs.” –giggity_giggity_g00
15. Just please, don’t make a movie about it.
“To get away with the perfect crime. A heist of some kind. I think I could do it with enough preparation.” –Jcavin86
16. It’s the “pets” part that makes this truly dark.
“I have this urge to get in my car and start driving and never stop. Ghost everyone who ever knew me, even though I have people who would miss me, pets to care for, and responsibilities to loved ones who depend on me to be here. I just want to be anyone else.” –Mikkabear
17. Go f*ck yourself.
“I want to clone myself and make love to it.” –criminallscum
18. Took the assignment to literally.
“I wish more cities would embrace “dark sky” practices so that we could reduce light pollution and more people could appreciate the night sky.” –Notfuzz45
19. Who let the cat in here?
“Cheese burger.” –kie_m
20. What a deviant!
“To eat a KitKat like it was a slice of toast. No separating the fingers or anything, just straight through the middle.” –thenoicedevice
21. Gettin’ real Dexter vibes here
“Serial Killer but for Murderers and Rapists.” –Ill_Gas4579
22. Yeah, he knows
“Idris Elba.” –losehername