Kate Hackett
Not a question we’d ever think up — but thanks to the Reddit thread posted by u/No-one_Expected_That, we were stunned to learn what these kids thought when they shared the answer to the question:
“Parents of porn actors, when did you find out and how did you react/how do you deal with it?”
Here are some of the best answers.
1. Olive Garden
I worked in a Olive Garden years ago with this guy named Dillon. I don’t know how it came out but someone figured out he did porn. I was really young and naive so I was grossed out by the idea at the time so I never bothered to watch them like some other co-workers did. Fast forward a few years and I am working at another restaurant. Dillon happens to walk in with his son and what I assume is his mother. They weren’t my table but I recognized him instantly. He was really good-looking. I made a point of walking up to the table and saying, “Hey Dillon how are you doing?” His face turns beat red and his mom gets PISSED. She says, “Dillon is not his name.” I told her nicely that’s what he was called out at OG. Looked it up later and turns out Dillon was his porn name. I don’t know how he used it at the OG, but let’s just say his mom was not happy about his side career choice.
2. The Cousin
My cousin was a well-known playboy model in the late ’90s. Our family in general has more or less not cared very much. They’re silently judging but they respect her as a person still. Her parents wish she had gone down a different road but ultimately she’s still their daughter and they love her. She’s a very sweet person and very big on family.
TLDR: best scenario possible from a family that’s 95% conservative
3. Grandma
Not really mainstream porn but a guy I work with found out one of his female cousins was in the industry because their grandma accidentally googled her granddaughter while trying to find her on Facebook and the girl was doing cam shows and stuff using her real name. He didn’t seem to care that much but I guess their grandma was pissed.
4. Helping Mom
There was a news story in 2014 about an 18 year old gay porn actor who was still in high school. Well one of his classmates found his videos (which were on a pretty big mainstream gay site), and shared it with the whole school and they expelled him. Turned out he was doing it to help his mom pay the bills and she talked about how proud she was of him for helping her out. They eventually backtracked after the story was picked up by the national media.
5. Sons
I used to hang with two guys who were mega-fans of Nikki Hunter and she knew them on sight. We would see her often at SDCC, WonderCon and similar conventions and she would come up to them and hug them and chat. She often brought her two sons with her.
I always wondered what when through the kid’s heads when their mom stood there chatting with two old pervs for 15 minutes.
6. Surprise! Boss!
The owner of the first company I worked for made his fortune making pornography before starting the non-porn-related business that I was hired at. I learned about it when I saw around the office the framed photos of him, his wife and his daughter at a pornography convention in Las Vegas. (His wife and daughter were not “on screen performers”, but participated on the business-side of it. They were all very open about their past business)
Not nearly as scandalous as the question being asked, but it was a surprise.
7. Manager Dad
Years ago a colleague went to a job, the person calling was a porn actress, she is not mega famous but known about. Anyway, it transpires she has a studio in the same house she lived in with her parents, her dad is her manager, and apparently filmed quite a few of her earlier scenes, I recall thinking what the actual fuck.
8. Neighbor
I am not a parent of a porn actor, but my next door neighbor was and we spent quite a while talking about her career (I won’t name-drop, but suffice to say she’s no longer in the industry – her SO wasn’t thrilled with it, so she took to doing one of the cam sites instead). Regardless, one of the things we spoke about was how her parents took it when they found out: not well. (I don’t recall how they found out.) However, she got to talking to them, primarily about the pay (which was good), and they came to accept her decision in time. That said, they made it very clear to her that she was not to let her grandparents find out.
9. Dead to Them
My high school best friend left school at 17, moved out of her parents’ house and started to do porn. She is pretty well-known and famous on porn sites, however she comes from a traditional conservative background with parents who were always strict. Her parents found out only recently , after years of her doing porn , as her father is a driving instructor and one of his students showed him videos of her doing porn! Parents said that she was dead to them unfortunately.
10. Older Sister
My older sister did porn for two years, she was caught when someone at my dads work sent him a link, he opened it and boom. Family freak out. It spread like wildfire around our small city (10,000 ppl). My parents cut ties because porn is against almost everything they believe. They always gave her money for college/payed it all, rent and activities. They stopped paying for her education, rent all of it. My parents took her out of the will. I haven’t seen her in years but that basically ruined her life, she got into drugs and is a meth addict god knows where now.
11. The Son
Son was in adult films, both as an actor and running a studio. He was in his mid 20’s when he started, so definitely a grown adult. He told us right away. It certainly was not a choice we (husband and I) would have made, but it was his life.
I did get to meet several people in the industry and they were all incredibly kind. well adjusted and very professional.
12. That’s My Sister
Not a parent, but my sister did porn for a couple years. My mom and me found out from an anonymous message, probably from one of mom’s friends online. She asked me to check if it was true so I did and it was her. Mom called and my sister denied at first but then admitted it. She promised she was being safe and healthy and that we didn’t have to worry. Mom was sad and disappointed and worried about her health mentally and physically. It was a difficult time for her, for me I just pretended nothing was happening and tried not to worry. We were relieved when she got engaged and stopped her modeling. It’s been several years now and my sister’s life is completely different, but I think mom is still worried for her and maybe blames herself a bit bec
13. The Real Prostitute
I have a friend that started working as a prostitute when we were 16. Her parents found out when we were 20 and wanted to kill her. But then she paid off all of their debts and bought them a car and some jewelry. And then they loved her again. I remember asking her about that and she said to me “well that just tells you what kind of people they both are. I was a whore but as soon as I gave them money I became their baby girl again” and I will never forget that sentence. She stopped doing that few years ago because she reached her goal (amount of money, don’t know how much). She has her apartment and car and she paid for her college all on her own.
14. My Daughter Told Me
My daughter came to me one day and said she was intending to enter the adult industry and that it would pay for her ambitions in life. I said to her are you being pressured into this by your boyfriend or something? she told me no that it was something she wanted to do.
I told her well are you going to tell your father? she suggested I tell him instead. I agreed reluctantly but held off on telling him for a while because I thought maybe she’d change her mind and I didn’t want to shatter his perception of her if she didn’t go through with it.
But she did go through with it she called me after her first week of shoots and was gushing about how nice everyone was and how well it was going. She had flown across the country to do this so we didn’t have as much contact during this time period.
I did eventually tell him and he thought I was joking and refused to believe me thinking it was some elaborate joke on him until he called her himself and she confirmed it was true. He told her he was very disappointed in her and said things like how can you do this to us? etc. He was visibly shaking during that phone call like I don’t know if it was anger or just adrenaline but he was really amped up and I thought he was going to have a heart attack but thankfully he was fine.
I think it has gone well for her as she’s never complained about not getting work and she even got trips to Europe and Japan with all her expenses paid which she loved. We have in the past spoke often about where she was going, what food she was having there. Things like that. She doesn’t go into detail about her shoots but she did fangirl about working with certain websites, directors, actors and actresses who I obviously didn’t know of but she would explain how much of a big deal they were to work with and such.
Her father hasn’t held this against her, their relationship is fine. He wont ever discuss it with her but he accepts she is her own person and can make her own choices.
For me the most important thing is she’s happy, she’s healthy, she’s doing it for herself and nobody is forcing her. Also as a job she’s financially secure so what more can I ask for really. No one I know has ever brought it up to me that they’ve seen her in adult films, would sure be awkward if they did though!
15. Age-Play
So. My kid.
Ugh. This is so strange to talk about.
My daughter decided she wanted to be an adult model in a very specific and (in my opinion) weird segment of sex work. I won’t get into exactly what that is because it embarrasses me to even think about it, let alone describe it to a bunch of strangers on the internet.
Found out because she had been acting weird and buying strange shit (she was still living at home at the time) and she wasn’t particularly careful about her social media. She had blocked me on her porn account, but didn’t block one of my friends, who informed me about it. Which, of course, that particular conversation was just so much fun.
Anyways, confronted her on it about doing it in my home. Made her stop. Took all her, uh, paraphernalia and put it in the garage and told her she could have it when she moved out.
She no longer lives with us, and I don’t know if she’s returned to her sex work and frankly I don’t want to know. I do know she has a full-time job, and she has roommates, so hopefully she hasn’t. I’m a pretty liberal guy and am completely okay with (though not myself a fan of) most fetishes/kinks, so when I say it was weird, trust me: it was fuckin’ weird.
Edit: Okay, so everyone will stop asking: it was extreme age-play. Diapers. Bottles. Pacifiers. And it was compounded by her meeting one of her “fans” in-person (after we confronted her on the sex work in our home) and trying to hide the rendezvous. We figured out what she had been up to, talked with her about it, and then discovered that the guy was a convicted pedophile. Pulled him up on the state registry and everything. (My daughter was 18 at the time; the guy in question was 39.)
Her mother and I were, justifiably I think, pissed.
16. Me!
I did professional porn from 18 until I was like 22. (Just about to turn 30 now)
One night I had my friend come to a party at my parents house. My friend did porn too. But she used a name really similar to her real name. My parents were weird and like to Google all my friends…
Well they googled her name and then came across her Twitter and at the time we had planned on shooting together… So they found my porn Twitter. I didn’t use my real name but obviously they recognized my face.
It was a very bad day. My parents are REALLY conservative. They screamed at me for what seemed like forever and then kicked me out. I ended up homeless for a few months then lived with my abusive boyfriend.
Nowadays, I’m no longer doing professional porn and I live happily on the other side of the country from my parents. I have an actual job now.
I’m on better terms with my parents now. We just don’t bring up the porn stuff ever.
17. Tore the Family Apart
In short my sister is a sex worker and it tore the family apart. I have nothing against sex work/ sex workers. I want them to be more protected and to be legitimized. The issues my family had with my sisters sex work is her history of awful mental health, and that she engages in dangerous sex work.
I always want to say that not all sex workers become sex workers due to sexual abuse. I know a lot do, but it limits sex work and workers to see them all as victims. Perhaps my sister was abused, but I really don’t know. If she was I hope she gets the help she needs and deserves.
Overall, I hope she (and all sex workers) can find themselves in less dangerous positions.
18. Stripper Daughter
My daughter stripped for quite a while before I found out, she lived in a big city and I lived in a small town 3,000 miles away. I found out just before I moved out to where she was and I told her I didn’t approve but I didn’t shame her or put her down. I think she did it as a, fuck you, to growing up in a small conservative small down with a step father she hated. So when I moved out here and there was no one left to tell fuck off she quit. She didn’t get the reproach and shaming she expected so it was no longer worth it. I started dating a guy who had gone to a few strip clubs locally and he immediately stopped because he wasn’t sure where she worked and didn’t want to take a chance on seeing her strip. Now neither one of them go to clubs anymore, win win.
