Masha
Several days ago, @lukasbattle asked Twitter users to share their most f**ked up family stories.
He first offered his own:
What’s the most fcked up story you have of your family? Mine is when my brothers and sisters duct taped my little brother to a poll in our basement and left him there for hours and we would periodically walk down to feed him dry lucky charms and water
— Lukas Battle (@lukasbattle) January 18, 2019
The responses were so plentiful and completely screwed up that it prompted him to follow up with this tweet:
Ok I’m calling 911 on my own thread this is probably why everyone on Twitter is so fcked up
— Lukas Battle (@lukasbattle) January 20, 2019
All families are messed up in their own way, as someone once wisely said. Some of us just choose to share those ways on Twitter. And for that, we thank them.
1.
My little brother and I used to decorate the house with my moms pads and pantyliners like they were stickers. One time we put them on the back of her pants and she went about her day with no idea
— Kenzie (@kenzie_basile) January 20, 2019
2.
My brother and I convinced our little sister who was 5 at the time that she had a disease and was gonna die in 3 days and 3 days later my mom found her crying in the bathtub saying “this is my last bath”
— spooky sweaty skeleton (@KatButler33) January 20, 2019
3.
I was 4 and my sister was 6. She decided we were going to play tug-of-war on the stairs. We tied a rope around our stomachs. Then I climbed to the top of the stairs and she climbed to the bottom. When she got to the bottom she turned around and pulled me down the stairs.
— Chelle Praska (@ChellePraska) January 20, 2019
4.
I told my younger sister that she was adopted and she couldn’t tell mom and dad that she knew because if she did we would have to send her back… she kept quiet about it for 3.5 years.
— MaaschMetal&Fab (@BrookeMaasch) January 19, 2019
5.
when i was 4 my brother pissed me off so i beat him in the head with my wooden sandal and i knocked him out but i thought he was dead so i put a blanket over him and told my mom i had to run away and wouldn’t tell her why
— nugget.af (@kate_afff) January 20, 2019
6.
My sister used my bike without asking me, so of course that made me mad. I grabbed a broom and yeeted that shit like a spear in her direction and it somehow perfectly went through a spoke and knocked her off, split her head open and broke her ulna and radius in her right forearm
— Professer Finesser (@_Jeandron) January 19, 2019
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) January 19, 2019
7.
I dropped my brother’s gerbil when I was four and it broke it’s back and was paralyzed from the waist (do gerbils have waists?) down, after two weeks it started eating its back legs off and my mom made my dad kill it to put it out of its misery. My brother still hates me for it
— Emilee (@theatraphobia) January 20, 2019
8.
when i was four i noticed my family wasn’t paying attention to me so i threw myself down the stairs and no one even fucking noticed
— Ben (@benshep4) January 20, 2019
9.
The power was out for like 4 days when I was ab 10 so my brothers were 5 and 6 and our dad told us the Antichrist was coming and we had to drink all of the milk for Jesus to save us
— john cena lover (@__abbyl) January 20, 2019
10.
My sister once held our family cat against my fish tank and let it attack my one and only angel fish because apparently I took too much club penguin time on the family computer
— Samuel (@MangoldSam) January 20, 2019
11.
My brother made me mad so I locked him in the closet and sprayed this nasty old lady perfume under the door until he was practically choking to death and begging me to open the door lmao. We both got grounded for two weeks. pic.twitter.com/oFLHdckoMF
— ♡ (@katelynhutchins) January 19, 2019
12.
my brother and i broke our little sisters leg when she was just learning to walk by throwing pillows at her to see her fall and everyone wondered why she stopped walking all of a sudden.
— SYDNIE*** (@sydnieavery) January 20, 2019
13.
One time my two oldest brothers ate my blue airhead. To make up for it they made me queen for the night and I ordered that our other brother be imprisoned. My mom came home and we all ran to our rooms. She found our brother in a dog cage crying.
— Jeanna Picha (@jeanna_picha) January 20, 2019
14.
My sister would convince me to put on her scoliosis brace that was too big for me so I couldn’t bend my legs or torso at all. She’d then push me down and lock me in my pitch black room knowing I was scared of the dark while I just flailed and screamed
— susan❀ (@EmilyGiesemann) January 19, 2019
15.
When I was 11 my brother and I were outside and accidentally disturbed a wasp nest, I out-ran him to the house and locked the door so no wasps would get in, and he was stuck screaming to let him in getting repeatedly stung
— Squid (@Sydward_) January 18, 2019
16.
i had a winnie the pooh cd that i would listen to all the time that my sister hated so she cut it into pieces with some scissors. my mom then cut her kidz bop cd so she’d know what it felt like
— jess (@jesslynhoffman) January 19, 2019
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) January 18, 2019
17.
I told my little cousin the lightsaber we had was real after watching the movie… so here’s the end result pic.twitter.com/HNUd6v6CwL
— Alyssa (@alyssagenovese) January 20, 2019
18.
when i was about 4 my parents brought me to a greatful dead concert, and while we were all dancing around the stage, they lost me. 4 hours later and a lockdown later, they found me in a vw bus with some dopedup hippies eating weed brownies
— z ♡ (@zoesalone) January 20, 2019
19.
One time my older sister had to babysit me while my parents went out for the night and she put me in her car and took me to a house party and told me to sit in the backseat on the back floor until she returned HOURS LATER
— Dani (@cornbeefqueen) January 20, 2019
20.
My older brothers tied me to a cross in our front yard when I was 5 and all my mom did was move us to the back yard
— Matt Andrews (@who_da_mandrews) January 20, 2019
21.
I straight up walked into my older sisters room when I was 4 and peed on her floor then walked out because she wouldn’t let me listen to my Barbie Girl CD on her stereo
— Amber Zoot (@zoot_amber) January 19, 2019
22.
When I was 4 & my sister was 2 we were playing house and I was the mom. I cut off her bangs to the forehead, while she was completely naked covered her in Barbie ink stamps and told her the shoe box was the toilet made her shit in it & then told my Mom on her for making a mess.
— escorpio (@mollybeach) January 20, 2019
23.
My sister sleep walks and she consistently would talk to something in her closet, hold us hostage with butcher knives and set the house on fire. The amount of times we woke up with knives in our faces is truly absurd but it was just part of the day
— pobrecita chiquitita (@LexiBoss_) January 20, 2019
24.
When i was 8 and Megan was 6 we decided to steal a gun my dad had hidden in his room.. we were outside on the sidewalk and my dads best friend saw us with it so he told us he was gonna tell our dad and meg pointed it at him and was all “tell my dad and I’ll shoot you”
— white latina (@erinjuliana_) January 20, 2019
25.
After seeing the Alaskan bull worm episode of spongebob, my 7 siblings were inspired and would put someone in a sleeping bag and trap them inside then proceed to beat the shit out of them until they claimed they were claustrophobic and cry.
— Sammy G (@NoSoulSammyG) January 20, 2019
26.
one time my brother and i mad our mom so angry that she told us the orphan bus was coming to pick us up. we packed our belongings in shoe boxes and waited outside on the porch sobbing until our dad came home (he was pissed lmao)
— ally ♌️ (@allysonnlink) January 20, 2019
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) January 17, 2019
27.
I would make my sister eat all the salt off of soft pretzels at baseball games because I was bored.
— Brianna (@mugshotselfie) January 19, 2019
28.
Only child here. When I was 4 I had this weird favorite thing of spraying water from a squirt bottle into my mouth. Then I started having sudden vomiting episodes and my parents couldn’t figure out why. Turns out I had been spraying Lysol into my mouth for a couple weeks.
— Karissa (@KarissaBurright) January 20, 2019
29.
When I was 4 my brother put a noise activated shock collar around my neck and tickled me until I screamed and got shocked.
— Lindsey Marie (@Thelynn143) January 19, 2019
30.
My sister got a hamster for Christmas one year, a few months go by and she decided that she didn’t want it anymore. She stopped feeding it so it would die, then she wrote a story for school titled “How I Killed My Hamster” and my mom had to talk to her school counselor.
— mati austin (@mati_austin) January 21, 2019
