When you’re pregnant, there are so many things that can go wrong. Hopefully, nothing major happens, and you deliver a healthy baby and don’t die while doing so.
Still, some couples feel like it’s important to have a conversation about what should happen if things are not looking good.
One Redditor who is planning to have a second child got candid with her friends about her anxieties — and they turned on her when she said she would prefer to choose her own life over the baby’s if there was an issue.
“So my daughter was born 2 years ago, I had a very good pregnancy but develop gestational diabetes at 32 weeks (due to me being overweight I was checking my sugar levels every other day). Due to this my OBGYN schedule a cesarean I didn’t have any issues with this I just wanted my baby to be born safely. So before going in to the hospital I talked with my husband that if something where to happened and he needed to choose between myself and our baby to please choose me. He got quiet but said that he agreed and that please let my mother know about what we talked,” the OP wrote.
Everything went according to plan and both mom and baby were fine. The OP and her husband decided to try for a second baby. At a Christmas party, the OP was talking with her girlfriends about the experience. A friend asked her if she was ready for another nine months of pregnancy. The OP decided to be honest.
“I said that I do want another baby and that pregnancy doesn’t scare me such as giving birth again. I said that I straight told my husband again that I’m scared that something may happened to me during the birth and in the hopes of giving my daughter a sibling I could leave her without a mother. That the original agreement stands that he needs to choose me if that’s the case.”
“My friends where disgusted with my thinking and said that I was an a**hole to my husband in asking him to basically kill his baby (those where the exact words), that I was a very negative person and that I needed to rethink my thoughts. I’m a person that likes to be prepared for the worse case scenario and hope for the best. I didn’t want my husband to be blindsided with who to choose and to have the answer on the spot. Nobody likes to think in what could go wrong specially in a pregnancy but I need to think every possible case that we could encounter.”
What did Redditors think?
“NTA- it’s your f*cking life. You can make another baby, there can’t be another you. Also, if your Husband agreed, it’s none of their business,” said PrometheusMadLad.
“NTA. This. During both my pregnancies we were in agreement that if the unthinkable would happen then I was the one with priority, doubly more so the second time because neither of us could fathom leaving our oldest and a newborn motherless. We figured we can make another baby, or adopt one if I won’t be able to carry again, but we can’t make another me,” stated MsMoongoose.
“NTA. If more people put themselves and spouses first there wouldn’t be so many f*cked up homes and kids,” observed HeyScrewUGuys
“When a pregnant woman arrests, we do four rounds of CPR, and then we do a perimortem caesarian section. The purpose of this is not to save the baby, but to save the woman, because pregnancy puts a massive strain on a woman’s body. If the baby makes it, that’s an added bonus, but this is not the purpose of the caesarian section. Mother before baby, always,” said FallaciousCrumb.
“NTA! I hate the modern parenting culture where mothers are expected to always martyr themselves, where her health and her needs are totally ignored in favor of the baby. It’s dehumanizing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to live,” said tourmaline82.
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