Kate Hackett
AskReddit had a great question that took off yesterday; u/playfulinvestment01 asked the world:
“What is the worst place you had sex?”
Check out some of the harrowing replies below. Gird yer loins!
1. Termites
While sitting on a tree stump that was home to a colony of termites. That did not end well.
2. Windy
A construction site on a windy day. Sand and dust everywhere.
3. Leather
Hot leather sofa. I’m still stuck to it to this day.
4. Poison Ivy
After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though.
5. Woods
In the woods, the fucking flying insects love to be up in your face.
6. Toolshed
Toolshed in the backyard of a house in Hawaii. Naked on my hands and knees going at it when my guy says, “Shit” and brushes something off my back. Feel something land on my forearm and see a Huntsman spider as big as my hand scuttling down my arm and into the shadows. I scream and sit up and see the ceiling of the tool shed has even more Huntsman spiders. Crawled out of there like Gollum and hid in the bushes. Made him bring me my clothes and shake them out hard before I took them from him.
7. With the bulls
In the woods, with about 50 young bulls that were very interested in everything that was going on. We sneaked in and out of that field about three times to try and shake them off but as soon as you make a sound, they all come running over to watch, with no concept of personal space. We ended up making a barrier out of branches to try and hold them off but the fuckers just broke right through it in seconds. It was like Shaun of the dead but the zombies only want to lick you instead of eat you.
Have you ever been licked by a bull? It feels like someone stroking your back with a fish dipped in egg whites.
I would say I’m never doing that again but we went back probably 7 or 8 times. Luckily the cows were always distracted by some sheep in the next field. This is one of the many joys of having parents that don’t knock before entering a room. Believe me, if I could NOT fuck in front of a mooing audience, I would.
8. Blood suckers
Outside on a blanket by a lake. Sounds romantic right? The mosquitoes thought so too.
9. Right to the edge
It was on the edge of a cliff, but it was such an awkward position that my knees hurt from being on the ground, the scenery was beautiful though.
10. Treehouse
A “treehouse” that was actually a plywood shack on 6′ stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just….waited for him to be done. And that’s the story of how I lost my virginity!
11. The porch… with mom inside.
My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents’ bedroom window (it’s hard to explain). You couldn’t see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room. So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AF. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren’t trying to be loud, but apparently we were. After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying “we can hear everything” and “please at least use a condom”. We didn’t acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild.
12. The Dead
3am leaving the club, got lucky but we didnt have the patience walk to one of our places. So we stopped walking home and did it in a park
Walked past the park the next day to see it was actually a graveyard 😅
13. Wildlife Refuge
On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the dick. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little bastard went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I’d say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say “hey remember when you got stung on your penis?” Yes, I remember and will never forget.
14. Camp showers
A campground shower. People came in the bathroom while in the throws and we had to just stand still like we were avoiding a raptor attack until they left because they otherwise would have heard the ball-slapping passion from behind a dinky stall door. Did I mention I was bent over, blood rushing to my head and water in my face? Still with the guy though. He’s a charmer.
15. Over a freezer
At my SO’s house, in their garage, over the freezer, while their entire family is home.
16. One Room Over
We were in the next room over, where there was a stand up freezer next to this little like extra bed for guests.
I guess it got a little loud. The next morning, my girlfriend’s father (now my father-in-law) starts making all of these smart ass comments (in a funny, but this isn’t cool, I am going to rip your head off kind of way) about how we slept last night, if we were comfy, was it too cold, stop banging my daughter in the room next to mine….yeah, it was really awkward and embarrassing.
17. Blackpool
A couple of years ago I was in a really shitty hotel in Blackpool and the people above us were having sex and the people below us were playing bingo, and the room was 35 degrees celsius, not a good night’s sleep
18. Pool
In the pool. Water is not a good lubricant.
19. Ocean
Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the fuck up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy.
20. Deer hunter
There’s this one time during which my ex and I both got really horny in the middle of the countryside. We headed for a small forest, took a quick walk in it and did the deed in a small clearing.
Sex was good, but while putting my clothes back on, I spotted this camo-painted hunting camera, that’s triggered by movement. It was of course pointing at us the whole time…
Let’s just say that this poor guy lost his footage…
