Edward
1964’s Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer is a Christmas classic that I’m sure every child over the last 50+ years has seen at least a few times. Even if you haven’t seen the film, you’ve at least heard the song. The thing is, through the lens of your adult life, Rudolph is a pretty messed-up movie. It’s colorful stop motion characters and whimsy can’t hide the darkness within. Twitter was quick to find everything wrong with Rudolph.
1. The Message Of The Entire Movie Is Kinda Dark
#RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer teaching kids since 1964 that your peers will only accept your differences if you can provide them with some kind of service pic.twitter.com/Dh2O44bvZg
— Red Soxtober (@NewEng_DadLife) November 28, 2018
2. That’s Not How You Congratulate New Parents, Santa
Okay, I’m going to say what we’re all thinking: In the scene where Rudolph’s nose is revealed, Santa is kind of a dick. #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer
— Liz Palm Trees Prato 🌴 (@Liz_Prato) November 28, 2018
3. Rudolph And The Reindeer Live In A Capitalist Hellscape
I will never not tweet this when #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer is trending. pic.twitter.com/XqDl8SGV80
— Adam Heffner (@aheffner24) November 28, 2018
4. Seriously, What Was Wrong With The Doll?
One of the great mysteries of modern times: What is wrong with the dolly on the Island of Misfit Toys?? Why is she a misfit?? #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer pic.twitter.com/xCA0TLVYYr
— Ellen O’Neill (@MaPeel) November 28, 2018
5. There’s Yukon The Bearded Hipster
Trivia Fact! Yukon Cornelius was the first hipster #Rudolph #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer pic.twitter.com/KWq24Mz7RG
— TrivWorks (@TrivWorks) November 29, 2017
6. Yukon Is A Big Dumby
So how many years did you guys watch #Rudolph before realizing the reason Yukon Cornelius never found anything was because his sled went in circles due to having grown dogs on one side and puppies on the other? pic.twitter.com/DCZEu4mSbN
— HP (@IsidoresDragon) November 29, 2017
7. Don’t Get Me Started With Coach Comet
This reindeer is every terrible coach you’ve ever had rolled into deer form. Rudolph out-performs every other kid with his airborne twirls and all Coach can see is his red nose. Despicable.
8. Donner Tried Living Vicariously Through His Son
Donner is the LaVar Ball of reindeer dads. #Rudolph
— Conor Levis (@ConorLevis) November 29, 2017
9. Fireball Had No Room To Talk
Fireball has the gall to make fun of Rudolph’s nose when he is the only one with hair #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer #Rudolph pic.twitter.com/NwdEWyfTJC
— Peter A Lyon (@lyonpaa) November 28, 2018
10. But Maybe None Of The Reindeer, Rudolph Included, Were Sleigh Team Material
Listen, at the end of the day, Rudolph is a me-first, flashy, showboating reindeer and not the kind of sleigh puller you can build a team around in today’s league, you need a Donner, a lunchpail deer who shows up, puts the sled team first and puts in the work, clear or fog,
— moosekayak (@Moosekayak) December 8, 2017
11. Then There’s The Biggest A-Hole Of All: Santa
Santa is merciless capitalist who only cares about strict uniformity in his frozen regime. He makes veiled threats to Donner and his wife when he finds out Rudolph has a nose defect. “I’m sure you’ll make this right.” He also shames Rudolph after Rudolph proves he can fly well, but loses his fake nose in the process. “You should be ashamed of yourself, Donner. It was a good performance too.” Santa can kick rocks.
12. Santa Can Shove It
Rudolph telling Santa to shove his request is my secret fantasy
— ShilohRickGrimesRoslin (@ShilohRoslin) November 28, 2018
13. Santa Takes Huge Advantage Of Rudolph
ah yes, rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, the classic tale of one’s differences only being accepted once they can aid the capitalist mode of production
inspirational
— dayne (@daynematthew) December 12, 2017
14. The Movie Should Have Ended This Way
Santa: “Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
Rudolph after being treated like shit all those years for his nose:
pic.twitter.com/ihW6sd1vhI— Con (@400papi) December 9, 2017
15. Did We Mention That Santa Sucks?
#Rudolph: “Where are my parents?”
Santa: “They’ve been missing for months, I’ve made no effort to find them, and here’s a list of ways that their disappearance inconveniences me.”
— Brian “Christmas Nickname” Phares (@brian_phares) November 29, 2017
16. Also They Killed A Bird
Let it be known that the toy bird that can’t fly gets murdered by one of Santa’s elves during the end credits of #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer. Gotta give credit to @RalphGarman for pointing this out to me. pic.twitter.com/qGNcevXXxl
— Keith ONeil (@ThatKeithONeil) November 28, 2018
h/t: Huffington Post
