Pleated-Jeans
You put yourself out there because it feels awesome when you succeed, but the problem is, failure can feel worse than success feels good and doing nothing at all isn’t a viable option either. Welp, good luck out there.
1. “My horse took a shortcut under a tree with me on his back.
2. Turned my back for a minute and she peed in 20 cups of uncooked rice…
2. Governor just ordered all “non-life-sustaining” businesses to close, including construction and contractors. This is the current state of my only bathroom…
3. Went into my attic looking for a water leak coming into my living room and it appears that I’m also in quarantine with this whatever monstrosity left this behind. It’s soft to the touch so I’m assuming it’s still around.
4. My submission for the dumbest way to injure yourself: I burnt my hand taking tomato soup out of the microwave. The toast I was making popped up and it scared me.
5. Social distancing during my birthday
6. People who worked at this cafe used to take care of this stray floof. Now almost every shop is closed, floof still waits for them to open.
7. Expect to see a lot of this.
8. DIY fail.
9. Apparently he’s allergic to almost everything on the allergy skin test. Some of it was so swollen the doctor could barely tell which was which.
10. The printer exploded…
11. In 2015, a Texas plumber who sold his truck to a dealership found out that the decals were not removed when it ended up in the hands of ISIS.
12. HS teacher remote teaching. Our platform generates unique classroom codes for each course. For my course, I have to screenshot and send “Jizzin’ to God” to all my students.
13. My dumbest injury, I was flipping a steak in a curved pan (like flat bottom wok) and all the butter splashed out.
14.
15. Found out my toaster can work as a timer, even when not plugged in. Now I have to wait another 20 minutes to find out how good these fish sticks are.
16. Look at this awesome sandwich
17. Hiked two hours to set up a picnic, returned to this.
18. Wanted to start my day with a big coffee. The splat even has a face…
19. So my fridge doors just fell off…
20. It was 65°F yesterday. Today we’re getting 5 inches of snow. F u Minnesota.
21. As a single man who has eaten out pretty much every day since I was 19, this whole “fend for yourself ” quarantine plan is utter bullshit. You see this? This is instant oatmeal and I fucked it up. There is no hope for me. Stay healthy folks!
22. My dad says, “Google is doing this stupid thing where the blur the top left part of the results. Facebook is doing it too actually.” He melted the top left corner of his screen.
23.
