Ruin My Week
11.
My mom walked in on me getting a blowjob in high school. She immediately did a B line in the opposite direction and said ‘I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING’. Then the girl and I went and ate dinner with them at our dinner table and we never spoke of it again.
12.
Matched with my cousin on Tinder.
I was like “wow she is ho…. O my god that’s my cousin!” while swiping. It all happened so fast. Same thing must have happened to her because we matched. I just messaged her and said we never speak of this, agreed? And she said agreed. And we’ve never spoken about it. Things are weird around the holidays. We just kinda make eye contact and then one of us finds a reason to leave the room immediatly to go and talk to other family members who we have not matched with on Tinder.
13.
I had surgery over the weekend and have been extremely constipated. Yesterday I was squatting over a toilet, crying with a jar of vasoline sitting next to me. My friend, who had come to visit, opened the bathroom door and made eye contact with me as I was attempting to birth 5 days of faecal matter . She then slowly backed out and shut the door.
https://giphy.com/gifs/being-struggle-sneaker-p4cqQ0gUIMcU0
14.
My husband and I work at the same small office. We were the first ones in that morning and other employees usually don’t show up for another hour or so. There’s only one bathroom on our floor as it’s a small business.
Anyway, I had just had some habanero spicy thing the day before and I was in for some punishment on this particular morning. I’m talking doubled over, clutching your stomach, your farts are fire-punishment. I hear a knock on the bathroom door and I assume it’s my husband. “Hang on I’m having the habanero squirts. I’ll be out as soon as I can,” I groan out between awful spirting sounds. I hear a female voice awkwardly reply, “Oh…okay.”
Sorry Stacy for pulling you into my terrible morning…
15.
When my best friend died, we figured he would have liked a ‘sky burial’ kind of.
So at the height of the funeral party we released his ashes into heavens with a giant balloon.
After a few meters of flight the string has snapped, and his remains covered the mourning crowd.Everyone made their best efforts to get very drunk as soon as possible.
We will never speak of this ever.
16.
My parents had to help me get home after an unfortunate event with a dominatrix in Lithuania where I got robbed while strapped down naked on the bed, she took off and I had to be “rescued” by the lithuanian police.
17.
Probably the time my good friend and I were like 8 maybe 9? We were playing monopoly with his older brother I think he was 12 and his buddy. Solid two hours goes by then all the sudden his brother pulls his dick out and just starts wankin it, so his friend decides to do it too. And my friend and I were just like wtf is going on rolled the dice and kept playing like they werent doing anything. Honestly I think we left soon after they didn’t stop, and never mentioned it since.
https://giphy.com/gifs/reaction-awkward-relationship-3IEBYXFwrnUXu
