Ruin My Week
Being single can be the best or the worst thing ever. On the one hand, you have total freedom. On the other hand, you have crushing loneliness. It’s a bit of a mixed bag! And those feelings are universally relatable since everyone has experienced being single, some for longer stretches of time than others. Being single can be particularly hard during the holidays when Hallmark movies are playing on an accusatory, 24-hour loop. Nobody could deal with the often cold reality of being single without a dose of gallows humor, nor should they have to.
Here are 22 jokes about being single that are so true they hurt a little.
1.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea but you know what else there is? Trash. There is a lot of trash in the sea.
— em (@emmabetsinger) July 7, 2018
2.
the idea dating
of having
a loving partner pic.twitter.com/Mz3L4uFQ49— micha (insta: kliklaminaat) (@ookkliklaminaat) August 27, 2019
3.
Single at 23: “I have to go out and meet someone!”
Single at 29: “If it’s meant to be the right person will find me in my home.”
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) September 1, 2018
4.
In 8th grade I broke up with my boyfriend at a middle school dance & requested they play Single Ladies as a power move but he ended up dating my cousin 3 weeks later all through high school and college & I just got an invite to their wedding so guess who won that one!!!!!
— Seasonal But Slutty 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) August 31, 2019
5.
My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than I am
— Kyle (@ItsKyllle) September 30, 2018
6.
being single is like… it’s just you and your bottle of water
— (@sailormarspimp) July 25, 2019
7.
Day 126 with no sex. I’ve lost hearing in my right eye
— J (@esmexoo) May 30, 2018
8.
To all the boys I didn’t really like but then realized they liked me so I started liking them and then they stopped liking me so it made me like them more.
— Hannah Berner (@beingbernz) December 23, 2018
9.
I took an uber alone at 2am and when I got out my uber driver was like “have fun, get that dick!” and I said “hell yes thank you!!” because I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was being dropped at my moms house cause we have to wake up early to celebrate my dogs birthday
— the wicked witch of the east bro (@kpfeffss) June 22, 2018
10.
princess fiona really sacrificed her beauty to be an OGRE with shrek… all men do is TAKE omg i’m staying single forever i just deleted tinder
— jake (@huntychan) May 15, 2018
