Ruin My Week
11.
“Back in 2000 at Parris Island we were doing warriors breakfast after the crucible. The series commander are asking questions like “where are you from,” and, “why did you join,” and so forth. The get to this Cambodian kid and they ask him why he joined up. His response was, “because it was raining.” The series commander is like, “explain.” It turns out the kid was like fresh off the boat in New York City, didn’t speak any English, and it started raining so he ducked into a recruiter’s office. They signed his ass up and he just went along with it. He learned English in boot camp.” –JustFreakingStellar
12.
“I remember when I was in boot camp we were in the squad bay cleaning our rifles. One recruit was in crutches and so he was just sitting down basically watching us clean ours. Drill Instructor walks over and asks wtf he is doing.
Recruit: “This recruit doesn’t have a rifle”
DI: “No shit. Start cleaning your crutch recruit”
Recruit: “The crutch sir?”
DI: “Yes now clean it and say the crutch creed”
Recruit: *Starts to brush his crutch “This is my crutch. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Without me, my crutch is useless. Without my crutch, I am useless-”
DI: “Wtf. Shut the hell up recruit”
Drill Instructor had to walk away and put his hat in front of his face so we couldn’t see him laugh. We all had a good laugh about it that night during square away time. There are plenty more stories that made us laugh once boot camp was over.” – Ob1_Juan_
13.
“In Navy bootcamp we have a thing before Battlestations called Amnesty Night. This is where we confess all the dumb shit we managed to get away with to our RDCs and not get in trouble. Our chief had a lisp, which we all talked shit about throughout boot camp, but never in front of him. We had a pretty short guy named Patterson that could do a perfect impression of our chief. Patterson proceeded to stand up in the middle of Foreward IG and said “Why the fuck do I have to keep touching your dirty asth sthkivysth? You mother fuckerths make me sthick”. The enitre division was dying, the RDCs were in tears about to fall out of their chairs. When everything quietened down, our chief looked at us and said “I fucking hate you guyths, but that wath fucking funny”. The entire division proceeded to die again.” –CrabJam_102
14.
“I was on colors duty and it’s kind of windy in Chicago. One time, we did not tie the fastening ropes well enough so the flag ended up half mast. Our RDC retrieves me and the other recruit from class an hour later and proceeds to yell at us and asks, “who the fuck died?” The other recruit, without missing a beat, says, “Chris Farley.” (which was technically true cause he died a few days before). The RDC had to leave to compose himself, before proceeding to have us stand at attention for a few hours while all the other ship RDCs came by and made fun/yelled at us, making Farley and SNL jokes.” –Humble_Union_9036
15.
“Imagine this…0500 in physical training formation. Everyone is dressed in the proper uniform (gray shirt, blue shorts, white sock and a shiny new pair of New Balance Dad shoes) except for Recruit Dumbass. Recruit Dumbass realized he didn’t have clean white socks while getting ready and thought it would be ok to join the formation in knee high (green) socks. The following conversation transpired: Drill Sergeant (DS): Trainee Dumbass, what the hell do you have on? TD: Ma’am, I didn’t have clean white socks so I used my uniform socks instead. DS: Trainee Dumbass, do you know what covert ops is? TD: Yes, Ma’am. DS: Trainee Dumbass, I want you to covert ops your ass over to the barracks and acquire a pair of white socks from your laundry bag. TD: *stares blankly* DS: LOW CRAWL YOUR ASS TO THE BARRACKS AND GET THE CORRECT PAIR OF SOCKS ON YOUR DAMN FEET!” –BeefyT1ts
16.
“We were testing how well the new conscripts had learned the ranks of our military. They would wait in line and when it was their turn I’d show them a piece of paper with the symbol of a rank in it. They would address me properly, tell their name and say the rank. For example: “Sir Corporal sir, conscript last name, a Captain.” The rank depicted on the piece of paper I showed was Corporal, which was also my rank and thus on my jacket, very visibly. The new conscript first addressed me “Sir general sir”. I raised an eyebrow and he quickly tried to fix his mistake: “sir second general sir” (a rank that would be right below general if it existed, which it does not). The conscript behind him made a chuckle so he fixed his mistake again saying “Sir corporal sir, conscript last name, I don’t remember the rank you are showing”. I said “You just said it.” He went quiet in thought for a few seconds, then happily said “a conscript!” –DenFoze
17.
“One of the TIs for another flight in my squadron liked to tell his flight to do “war cries” where they’d just scream. It was kind dumb seeming to most of us, apparently including my TI. One afternoon, we were all in formation on the pads and the war cry flight was next to mine. I was an element lead, so first in line in front of the TI.
After ‘War Cry; TI asked his flight to do their thing, I saw my two TIs lean in and exchange words and smirk. At that point the lead TI looked at me and I kinda smirked at him too. Suddenly he shouted “Trainee robywar, come here!”
I walked over. “Trainee robywar reports, as ordered sir.” He leaned in and whispered, return to formation. When I ask you to give me a war cry, I want to hear the wimpiest, worst war cry you can manage.” I smiled and nodded and returned to formation.
“Trainee robywar, let me her your war cry!” he bellowed. “AHhhoOOoOoooOOO Waaaaaah OOOOOO!” He smiled and nodded and looked over at ‘war cry’ TI who just pursed his lips. No one else would have had any idea what happened, but we didn’t hear any war cries after that.” –robywar
18.
“Back in the 80s the DS was going down the line asking why everyone joined and my dad was like “oh shit, I don’t have a good answer for this” and was nervous. DS goes to the guy next to my dad, asks the question and the guy says “TO DEFEND MY COUNTRY SIR”. DS goes “THAT’S BULLSHIT, YOU’RE HERE FOR THE MONEY AND THE EDUCATION” And that became everyone’s answer.” –Sad_Movie_190
19.
“We were on a casual run for PT nice and easy 3km. Finish the run, sh*tpump walks up to the sergeant conducting the run and says “sergeant when does the real run start? “ Thought he was hilarious. Ended up running 12km that day. Fuck that guy.” –jdoghenderson
20.
“In basic training, stood by our beds, inspection of Platoon Commander. In she comes, walks around, asks everyone questions. Guy next to me, who I’m still mates with now, got asked what he did before he joined. He answered, proud as lunch and for everyone to hear, “I sold condoms and nuts, ma’am.” Her and the Corporals just started laughing, couldn’t help it.” –ghost_of_ps4
