Ruin My Week
When people have a question in this brave new world they don’t turn to their friends, parents, or (lol) clergy, they go directly to the source of all information. I’m talking, of course, about Reddit and the immortal sub and hub known as r/AskReddit.
So when a recently posted question on Ask Reddit asked “Reddit, whats the funniest thing that a random stranger said to you that made you die laughing inside?” there was no shortage of replies from people who had a memorable brush with a stranger that has stuck with them to this day.
These random encounters range from the simply odd to the truly wild and they do not disappoint.
1.
“I was in the drive thru of a Wendy’s one time. An employee exited the building with his headphones on and was singing Who Let The Dogs Out at the top of his lungs. He saw me, stopped singing, and started walking away. A few seconds later he come up to my window and said, “yes, that is what I’m listening to.” Then he walked away. I laughed so hard at the whole situation.” – JonoTheDog
2.
“When I was around 10 my dad took my brother and me to a Sox game at Fenway. We get to the park and I was putting mustard on a hotdog from one of those mustard box push down nozzle things, this random guy next to me goes “YEAH BUDDY, LATHER THAT BITCH UP”. 10 year old me thought it was about the funniest thing I’d ever heard, and I still chuckle when I think about it as an adult.” – Dumpo2012
3.
“May of 2000, passing through Norwood Louisiana with a friend, at around 2 in the afternoon we stopped to gas up/grab some snacks at the most podunk gas station known to man.
A young man, extremely agitated comes in with frustrated gestures and angrily shouts/gestures at the cashier with an accent that is beyond region, beyond stereotyping, beyond anything I have heard before:
“Where da’ got damned wally-mellyons at!!” at the top of lungs, approaching hysteria and tears.”
4.
“I was at a 50th wedding anniversary party and there were LOTS of elderly people in attendance. An old man was standing next me and said “it looks like a fucking grave yard in here”. I literally spit my beer out (we were out doors). The kicker was the guy was close to the same age as everyone else.”
5.
“When i was about 8 yrs old (40 some odd yrs ago) my mother and i were waiting to be seated at a restaurant, and an older gentleman was ahead of us also waiting. The waitress asked him if he’d be smoking (back when that was still a thing in restaurants), and he replied “no, but i may burst into flames later”. Young me laughed all through lunch at that, in fact it still makes me giggle lol.”
6.
“In college, this one girl in the front of the room chimes in on something, and mentioned that her eyes change color during the summer every year from blue to green.
This black dude in the back of the class whispers to his friend “yeah bitch, and I turn white in winter”.
I had to remove myself immediately before I made a scene from laughing so hard.”
– BriFM
7.
“At a festival and sitting around the campfire when a very intoxicated man kept saying “I need to borrow your fireplace!” He wouldn’t let it go, despite being right by the fire. Turns out he needed a lighter for his cigarette and was so drunk that he forgot what it was called. My laughter was not internal. I died laughing right in front of him.” – LisaPaBisa
8.
“When I was a freshmen in college I had a pair of rainbow bellbottoms I made and wore a lot. I walking through the city back to the dorms when a guy rode up behind me on a bicycle. He was old, had long, scraggly gray hair and a bright red and yellow windsuit on. He rode beside me for a second, stared and then yelled “Miss your pants are hot….HWAAAAT” and the rode away into the sunset. It was so random and hilarious. Every time I wore those pants my friends would run up behind me and yell “Your pants are HWAT”” – StarrySky
9.
“My friend and I (both female) used to go to the Saturday market to buy fruit and veg. My friend is quite shy towards other people. I had just bought two huge watermelons and was carrying them, one arm each. As a guy walked past us, he shouted: “YOU’VE GOT NICE BIG MELONNSSSS!” Didn’t say anything else, just kept walking. My friend was shocked and I almost peed myself laughing so much.” – NerakSob
10.
“Watched a guy walking to class at my college years ago saying “Get the fuck out of my way” to a pigeon standing in his path. The pigeon quickly waddled off to the side.”
11.
“Went to chipotle after freshly shaving my head. The cashier started commenting “WOW what a day look at you with your shaved head, when did you do that!” Me: like 20 min ago.” Him: “wooooooow what a world we live in! You and your bald head.”
I felt like I was in a whitest kids you know skit or something.” – shacklton89
12.
“I was rollerblading down a hill too fast, and landed on my ass. Painful, sure, but not excruciatingly so. A old man walked by and said in the most jolly voice, “is your behind okay, young lady?”
I was shaking of laughter. My behind was okay, yes.”
13.
“I was crossing the street once and my sunglasses fell off my shirt directly to the floor. I just realized it happened after I got to the other side of the street and my mom pointed it out. The closest car was pretty far away, but I was still very anxious about it, ran back to the middle of the street, tried to grab it but I was so nervous it fell out of my hands two times before i finally got it and ran to the other side of the street again. The car finally reached us, the driver stops, rolls down the windows and says: “that’s what I call a survival instinct” and drives away. I laughed so hard!” – etaporra
14.
“I must’ve been about 10 or 11. I sat down on a bench next to an old guy to sort my shoe out. I took my shoe off and he just turns to me and says “are they golfing socks?” I look at him with a completely blank look on my face thinking “wtf??” as I looked away he just said “there’s a hole in one”” – WinningToad
15.
“This reminds me of the time I asked for directions in south Georgia and it went like this:
Her: Go down there and take a lef
Us: Uh-huh
Her: Then go pass the gas station
Us: OK
Her: Then yawn yawn
Us: Yawn yawn?
Her: Yeah. Then yawn yawn.
Took us forever to realize she was saying “then you’re on your own.”” – dwilatl
16.
“I work in retail, and I’m not sure why, but this had me dying for a while. I still laugh when I think about it.
Me: “How you doing today, sir?”
Customer: “Yep.”
And he went on his way.” – RiSETOFaLL
17.
“Okay, the laughter was not entirely inside, but years ago on the subway in NY, a crazy dude walks on the train and screams at everyone “You’re all going to hell!” and then steps off as the doors close. Total silence as the weirdness of the moment settles in. Then, without missing a beat, guy across from me goes, “Shit, I thought this train was going to Harlem.” Entire subway car of cynical New Yorkers bursts out laughing.” – jimcol
18.
“The college I attend frequently has local elementary and middle school kids on tours, especially on Fridays.
One particular Friday I was in line for the cafeteria when a group of kids came walking by with a tourguide. One kinda chubby little dude looked a bit uncomfortable. He was biting his lip a little, and sweating. This part of the tour is usually when they have a bathroom break, and clearly buddy needed to go. At this point I should note that the bathrooms are visible from where we’re standing.
But the tour guide, a fellow student of mine, didn’t seem to notice. She just kept going on and on, talking about the history of the building. I watched this kid go from nervous, to deeply anxious, to visibly clenching over a span of about 3 minutes. He’s staring at the stick figure dude on the men’s bathroom sign as if it was the risen Christ.
Ms. Tour Guide takes a break in her spiel. I figure she’s done, the next words out of her mouth will be ones to free this boy from the purgatory that is having to use the bathroom on a school trip. It’ll be over. He’ll be free.
What followed, instead, was this.
“So in 1995, a professor named A.B.C. Kalamazoo-”
“Move lady, I’m gonna shit my ass!”
He ran past her to the bathroom, and presumably destroyed it. Poor guy. Had the entire line in tears with laughter though.” – arivin12
19.
“In high school we were walking down the hall to the buses and I heard two girls in a conversation that cracked me up and confused me.
Girl 1: Yeah I’m going to random guy’s house tonight. (Something to the effect of looking forward to it.)
Girl 2: Ah well make sure you bring protection. (Already kinda weird as they’re just talking in the hall.)
Girl 1: What? No I’m not gonna be doing anything like that.
Girl 2: No I meant like a knife or something.
I’ve been laughing about that for a while now.”
20.
“I was at Tim hortons with my dog and then this old man walked by and said to me “you’re gonna be a dog one day”” – 0CEANLOVER
