As the weekend comes to a close, we’re excited to bring you the most hilarious tweets we laughed at while we were drunk yesterday.
Fortunately, these jokes are just as funny in the sober light of day.
So, kick back and enjoy some truly amazing Twitter finds from this weekend.
1.
Back when I worked at petsmart I took this picture of this hamster who literally screamed every time I tried to feed him and omfg I’m crying pic.twitter.com/pGCYd0b9pf
— ʙᴜsᴛᴇʀ ʜᴏʜᴏʜᴏs!!! ❤️ (@dattebanyan) December 15, 2018
2.
ladies what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found in a boy’s bathroom? allow me to start pic.twitter.com/WbvwM86H4b
— jodie (@jodieegrace) December 14, 2018
3.
Haircuts? pic.twitter.com/Vj0xkN1tYc
— James Wrighton (@JamesWrighton) December 14, 2018
4.
me: hello 911
operator: hello what’s ur emergency
me: these men won’t stop laughing
operator: ok yea that’s annoying but not a crime
me: wtf is manslaughter then
— gnatalie (@jbfan911) December 13, 2018
5.
imagine being so mad at your man you promote this tweet pic.twitter.com/pzsHUWofLq
— kiana (@kted_kiki) December 16, 2018
6.
[restaurant]
date: this chicken is a little dry
me: I think my burger‘s undercooked
waiter: how is everything
me: it’s great
date: so good
— Elvish Presley (@_elvishpresley_) December 15, 2018
7.
Having a child:
-painful
-expensive
-exhaustingNaming your dog Kyle
-hilarious
-thought-provoking
-kyle— Mark Magark (@markedly) December 16, 2018
8.
i’d like to know the scientific reason behind my stomach deciding to sing the mating call of its people every time i’m lying in bed next to someone
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) December 16, 2018
9.
Do you think Shrek was a virgin when he met Fiona? Or had he definitely clapped some green cheeks before?
— sarah schauer (@SJSchauer) December 16, 2018
10.
Big fight right on the main street. No one seemed to care. This is why I don't live in the big city. pic.twitter.com/Ls2AYtmpdX
— (@ThatDamnFireman) December 16, 2018