Some people have Christmas in their veins and have no issues blasting Mariah Carey in early September.
To them, I say, go ahead, but Spooky Season is my time to shine, and it’s never too soon to have a chuckle at some horror-larious Halloween memes.
me: *hits spider web down with broom*
me: *puts up fake spider web decorations for Halloween*
— ً (@SpookyGothLoser) October 5, 2019
ladies & gentlemen, i present to you my dads halloween costume pic.twitter.com/E9mJ6zJwig
— ashlyn (@AshlynDanyela) September 30, 2019
one time I was out on halloween and there was a guy wearing a fake moustache and a priest collar and I asked him "are you someone in particular or are you just moustache priest?" and he said "just moustache priest" and I said "cool"
— whit (@whitneyarner) October 1, 2019
no haunted house can scare me since i got an IUD put in on halloween 2 years ago and the nurse was wearing a witch costume
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) October 28, 2021
When you get sent to hell, these are the cookies in the waiting room while they process ya paperwork https://t.co/49MpWPp7Tc
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) October 3, 2019
He was so terrified when we brought him home 2 days ago, now he’s a member of the family❤️ pic.twitter.com/AaZpBQ2kP3
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) October 6, 2019
spiders watching humans put webs all over their house during halloween pic.twitter.com/k7lLc6E7MU
— zander (@zandirts) October 11, 2019
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm clearly Sloth from "The Goonies." Let go of me!" pic.twitter.com/zYUrH9kO5F
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) October 7, 2019
my bf is 6’2 i’m 4’9. he said he wants us to be sully and mike wazowski for halloween smh where’s the eject button
— angelina aint got pounded in a very long time (@queerxcreep) October 1, 2019
take me down to the Halloween city in a former Sears in a mall that’s shitty pic.twitter.com/pF3Qe2h4P0
— A.S. Paul (@aspaul) September 13, 2021
how many bitches y’all think you know that are gonna dress as a white claw/slutty white claw for halloween and claim it was their original idea.. i can think of like five off the top of my head
— DIZZY WINE (@tanamongeau) October 3, 2019
check your kids halloween candy. my cousin found the assassination of archduke franz ferdinand in sarajevo by serbian nationalist gavrilo princip inside a snickers bar pic.twitter.com/3EgySLKapD
— ret (@rad_milk) October 18, 2021
If anyone asks what your plans are for Halloween, look earnestly at the sky & say "reaching my final form."
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) October 10, 2021
I'm either a vampire or that guy in your creative writing class pic.twitter.com/qdaLVR72Te
— Jenny Nicholson (@JennyENicholson) October 3, 2019
Does Spirit Halloween know about this? pic.twitter.com/as4csD2UPD
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) September 22, 2021
sometimes having a family amazon account is…..embarassing pic.twitter.com/6uXX2xWvWl
— noël (@5150wonderbread) October 15, 2019
y’all: happy halloween
happy harry potter season
— mar (@gcldsrush) October 1, 2019
Guys will see a pretty girl and say “wow she’s out of my league” like bruh she got 30 days to find someone to match Halloween costumes with just shoot your shot already
— Johnny Jet (@JohnnyJTravels) October 1, 2019
day 87 without sex: went to halloween horror nights so I can remember what it's like to have a man make me scream again
— ❀ jasmine ❀ (@jasminericegirl) October 10, 2019
Ranking the best Halloween candy:
3. Sour patch kids
5. Milky Way
6. Kit Kat
10. Babe Ruth
99. Clorox Bleach
176. Candy corn
— Iowa Chill (@IowaChill) October 8, 2019
im legally allowed to say happy halloween every day for the next 31 days just like how ppl say merry christmas through the entirety of december
— paul rudd (@philsadelphia) October 2, 2019
I asked the Internet what I should be for Halloween…
"Skinny" was the top reply.
I've officially decided I'm no longer going on the Internet.
— Jack “CouRage” Dunlop (@CouRageJD) October 7, 2019
7-year-old: I want to be you for Halloween.
Me: How would you dress?
7: I'd just look tired all the time.
We'd be twins.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2019
was thinking about what i wanted to be for halloween but realized i’m already a monster.
— Justin H. Min (@justinhmin) October 10, 2019
my parents are fighting bc my mom was letting a big spider live in the kitchen window bc he’s “perfect for halloween” and my dad killed it
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) October 6, 2021
Wife: how do we explain Halloween to the kids?
Me: they put on a mask and ask strangers for candy.
Wife: but we said NEVER accept candy from strangers.
Me: we’ll tell them one day a year it’s ok.
Me: it’s like the Purge but for Children.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) October 5, 2019
You’ve been visited by the Halloween moose. May god have mercy on your soul. pic.twitter.com/buldjLg92B
— Cousin Barnabas (@CousinBarnabas) October 23, 2019
This remains the greatest Halloween tweet of all time. https://t.co/VT868ya19t
— DrewMcWeeny (@DrewMcWeeny) October 11, 2019