The best moms survive on patience, love, and a hell of a good sense of humor. Just take it from each of these downright hilarious mom tweets that perfectly sum up the beautiful chaos of motherhood.
Hearing a toddler say “uh oh” from a different room: cheaper than joining a gym and just as effective a workout
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 1, 2019
My deepest fear:
1. My kids open the lid of our trashcan and discover what I’ve been doing with all of their art projects.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 5, 2019
My 5-year-old just told me that turtles are slow because they carry their houses on their backs, and I feel like this is a solid analogy for parenthood.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) February 27, 2019
A friend wanted to know what it’s like to be a mom, so I busted down her bathroom door while she was taking a shower so I could tell her that I’m thinking about changing the name of one of my stuffed animals.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 21, 2019
I don't like to point fingers, but sometimes I really want to point my middle finger at the 1yo.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 21, 2019
I woke up with this horrible, debilitating pain in my neck this morning and I have no idea what’s causing it.
*remembers having kids*
— The Mummy Claus (@ThatMummyLife) February 21, 2019
5: Let’s play house, mommy. You be the baby. I’ll be the mommy.
5: It’s night-night time. Go to sleep, baby!
Me: *Kicks, screams, fusses*
5: This isn’t how the game goes, mommy. I’m the mommy, so you have to listen.
Me: Oh, honey, this is *exactly* how the game goes.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) January 2, 2019
What a parent’s bucket list looks like:
3. Drink hot coffee
2. Shower without kids banging on the door
1. Pee alone
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 9, 2019
There just aren’t enough songs about moms folding laundry and slowly losing their minds.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 26, 2019
Last night at dinner, my son told me I was pretty completely unprompted. This morning at breakfast my daughter called me a poop stain… completely unprompted.
You win some you lose some I guess.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) February 21, 2019
Welcome to parenthood.
You have a favorite closet to hide & eat your snacks in now.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 23, 2019
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 1, 2014
The new mom at my work is so cute, she's still enthusiastic and doesn't have a drinking problem yet.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) December 31, 2014
Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 23, 2014
Me: Who’s been using my expensive hair conditioner?!?
10yo: Not me.
8yo: Not me.
6yo: *frantically lowering Barbie’s hand*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 8, 2019
Me: My beautiful daughter, I would cross oceans and move mountains for you. I would fly into the darkness if I knew it would make you happy.
Daughter: Can I have a Dorito?
Me: I’m sorry but these are, unfortunately, my Doritos.
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) June 28, 2018
Having a child is like having a little broke ass best friend
— The Beer Princess 🍺 (@Aflgirl126) January 12, 2019
My picky-eater child just told me the guinea pig food smelled delicious and I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t consider serving it for dinner.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 10, 2019
best part of working from home is having your 5y/o run in while you're on a conference call and cry "I accidentally peed in the wrong place"
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 9, 2017
Daughter keeps licking water off the shower floor, but she's our second kid, so we let that stuff slide.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) January 10, 2019
Netflix should have a "times watched" counter for kids' shows so you can track your slow descent into madness.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) June 12, 2017
It doesn’t matter how great of a parent you are. You will, at least once, drag a shrieking demon child from a public place.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 3, 2019
Me: Do that thing I like
Husband: [takes the kids and leaves]
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) September 9, 2018
If parenting has taught me one thing, it's to never share a water bottle with a kid eating crackers.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) September 29, 2017
Being a wife and mom is kind of like being a lawyer, everyone hates you until they need you
— 🇺🇸E.🇺🇸 (@YourMomsucksTho) June 5, 2018
Went to put some milk in my coffee this morning only to realize my kids drank it all. They leave me no choice.
Baileys it is.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 5, 2019