Did you know that over 70% of the funny tweets you see on the Internet come from women?
I bet you didn’t, because I just made it up.
But it seems true.
In any event, here the funniest tweets from women this week.
My mom got her dog’s feet shaved so that they wouldn’t get as dirty when she went outside……… pic.twitter.com/ftFvNRDJ6D
— dalady (@DelayniJohnson) April 17, 2019
My daughter just asked me if the word encyclopedia comes from the word Wikipedia.
— hend amry (@LibyaLiberty) April 17, 2019
Anyway, today in New York people remain unfazed pic.twitter.com/PRAtEglLQG
— Hannah Keyser (@HannahRKeyser) April 17, 2019
HIM: "my dick is so big it stretches vaginas"
— Liza Sabater 🇵🇷👸🏾🌹 (@blogdiva) April 18, 2019
Just watched a man bringing home a goldfish on the train accidentally pop the bag- fish flops onto the floor. 3 people swarm to save him (the fish not the man). Guy chugs the last of his coffee and throws the fish in his cup. Lady next to him empties in her bottle of water.
— Hannah Baxter (@Isapalindrome) April 17, 2019
dudes b like sorry i ghosted u, i was never fastest in the mile in elementary school and my turtle ran away when i was 7 so i’ve got abandonment issues we can still fuck tho
— b (@doyalikebaileys) April 9, 2019
the millennial version of 2.5 kids and a picket fence is six houseplants and no roommate
— big dusa energy (@tinygorgon) April 16, 2019
I chewed a hole through Mary Beth’s nicest blanket while she was working and now my head is stuck please help me pic.twitter.com/NVVWnarylx
— Mary Beth Albright (@MaryBeth) April 18, 2019
My boyfriend really just sneezed sitting 5 feet away and texted me this 🙄 pic.twitter.com/68eWnqeBwZ
— یاس (@yassjoon) April 15, 2019
10 year old me at 8/7c getting ready to watch a new Disney Channel Original movie https://t.co/2JozmlP5An
— Rich Aunty Mel (@_meliphant) April 17, 2019
My dad is so dramatic when I’m not home all day. pic.twitter.com/3HahllrSQQ
— Harley (@Harlz_) April 10, 2019
HS teachers: college is NOT a joke
a real college exam question i just had:
“which doesn’t belong?”
— T (@umtatiana) April 8, 2019
my parents house is chaotic pic.twitter.com/UmdN4X4yUs
— juliet (@uglyshinigami) April 9, 2019
ladies, if he:
-doesn’t text back
-takes up all your energy
-used to be a star
-doesn’t like having his picture taken
-is 6.5 million times the mass of the sun
he’s not your man. he’s a black hole
— hegel but gay (@andrealongchu) April 10, 2019
there’s 2 sides to every story 😔 pic.twitter.com/Lx9K1bloCw
— liv 💫 (@visitkingdoms) April 13, 2019
One of my best friends is getting married and for her bachelorette party she wanted us to dress up in goodwill wedding dresses and go out in Nashville. I've never had so much attention in my life and it was so fucking fun. pic.twitter.com/S87xZWmg9S
— don't look at me (@heybritini) April 8, 2019
If she wanna eat a burger at 16 am let her wtf pic.twitter.com/vJieNJXgjJ
— Meg Stalter (@megstalter) April 16, 2019
my friend got broken up with by a boy shorter than her so every time i reference him, I assign him a smaller and smaller height pic.twitter.com/6ekT8hziXN
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) April 16, 2019
Jon Snow finally learns the shocking truth about his heritage. pic.twitter.com/IhBHqrMon4
— Meg Cabot (@megcabot) April 18, 2019
Recipe: Add 2 cloves of garlic.
Me. A wise woman: pic.twitter.com/LhcegmBPHT
— Honeypot (@Miss_Patriciah) April 13, 2019
Shania Twain: Lets go girls
— Malia Mills (@malia_mills) April 8, 2019
Imagine carrying a baby for 9 months just for it to have a fucking nut allergy… I’ll pass
— Erica (@eerrriiicaa) April 9, 2019