It’s a very difficult time in world history and almost every social media platform is flooded with bad news and then worse news. While it’s extremely important to take everything that’s happening seriously, there’s only so much the human brain can process in a day. We still need things to feel hopeful about, happy about, and distracted by. And we definitely need things to laugh about.
That is why writer Anbara Salam’s Twitter thread on her most embarrassing moment went so viral. For the time it takes to read it, you’ll forget to think about anything else.
As a public service in these stressful times I’d like to offer, as a palate cleanser, the most embarrassing moment of my life.
10ish years ago, my ex bf and I visited a spa in Germany. It’s swimsuits in the pool but you have to be naked in the sauna.
Btw I speak no German. 1/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
Her story starts with going to a German spa with her boyfriend, a tiny towel, and no grasp of the language. While trying to find the sauna, she accidentally locks herself out on the fire escape—completely nude.
The door locks behind me.
I am trapped inside the fire escape, in the nip.
3/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
Bang on the 2nd floor doors for 10 mins. Yell some more. Nothing.
On the ground floor there’s an unlocked door. Jackpot! But no, it’s a terrifying machine room with massive fans & pumps & ‘electrocution’ symbols on everything.
5/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
I go up & down in the lift a few times. There’s a security camera in the lift. Torn between ‘I don’t want anyone to see this’ and ‘I rlly rlly want someone to see this & rescue me’ I move the lil towel between strategic areas while sobbing & waving at the camera
7/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
Salam is eventually rescued from living the rest of her life in an industrial basement with only a towel, but her rescuer has a strange idea about what is appropriate help. Instead of, say, bringing her a bigger towel in private, he instead walks her down the street to the front door of the spa again. One person takes pity and offers an inflatable lobster, but most seem absolutely oblivious to her distress. She even gets asked for I.D., which makes you wonder where they think she was keeping it:
Eventually the lift doors open. A spa employee stands there. He is the most dressed man to ever be wearing clothes. He has brought NO TOWEL for me. He says something in German, I cry, he sighs, waves for me to follow him. I go after him, still switching around this washcloth
9/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
I now have an out of body experience. A shame black out. I have reached my max. I go fully through embarrassment and out the other side. Time slows down. I can hear the music of the spheres.
11/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
Reception is BUSY. So busy he has to yell at ppl to make way so I can get through the crowd. The guy explains (I’m guessing) the situ to the receptionist. This takes actual minutes. An old lady gives me her pool float. It is shaped like a lobster. The claws rest on my boobs.
13/— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
Ten minutes later when I run sobbing into a towel and find my bf in the café he has the AUDACITY to be grumpy because he’s been waiting for an hour.
Fin
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
An amazing tale! And this is a great lobster epilogue:
I had to give it back bc it wouldn’t fit through the turnstiles 😂
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
tbh.. yes. Trial by lobster.
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
While everyone finds this story hysterical, the German people reading are getting the most out of it:
No actually, the MOST german moment was “ID please” … to a naked person.
— feli (@felitastic) March 16, 2020
So German!
— 💧The Angry Goddess (@Bishop64) March 17, 2020
Salam appreciated the warm feedback on her post and encouraged people who liked it to share their own horror stories to pass the time.
Yikes – a lot of ppl have pictured me naked & hysterical.. sorry I can’t keep up with replies but am so so happy to have been of service! And please share the wealth if you have your own tale of humiliation – the world needs you ❤️🦞 https://t.co/LV0nMZE4Re
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 17, 2020
Okay. Give us the dirt!
More funny tweets to distract you from our waking nightmare:
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