A “mom” wrote a hilarious review of Kleenex tissues on Amazon that will be 100 percent relatable to absolutely anyone living with a teenage boy. She starts off by thanking them for selling the tissues in 36-packs and suggests they might want to start offering an even bigger size. Why? Because she lives in a house with three teenage sons. And without being too graphic, teenage boys need to use something to…um…clean up after they…you know…well…masturbate. And if moms don’t want that thing to be a dish towel or a sock, there’s got to be something else handy (pun fully intended) to use in the house.
The full review, called “A Mother’s Struggle,” reads:
I want to start this off by thanking Kleenex for selling these in 36-packs. I’ve put it on subscription, and if they want to start selling a 72-pack, sign me up. I have three reasons for needing this much Kleenex, and their names are Liam, Samuel and Hank.
This is how it goes in this house. First the Kleenex disappears. Then the toilet paper. Then they go for fabrics. And you don’t want it to get there, unless you’re ready to invest in a five gallon drum of Fabreeze.
This used to be a good Christian home. But it’s not about moral judgment anymore. I’m way beyond that. I’m in survival mode. If I don’t find absorbent paper products, I’m going to find my dish towels hidden in the basement, stiff as aluminum. The other day, I almost cut my hand on a sock. I am sorry to speak so frankly, but with three teenage boys, a woman has got to be practical.
The funny part is, they think they’re being sneaky, with their 45-minute showers and sudden need for “privacy,” as if I’m going to walk in on them journaling. They slink around the house like unfixed cats, while I try to announce my location at all times. No one needs to ask me to knock anymore. I knock on walls. I practically wear a cow bell. I’m not looking to catch anyone by surprise, believe me. I’m just trying to get through this.
The other day my husband was watching me unload the groceries, and he asks me, all sweetness and light, “Honey, what’re you doing with all that Kleenex?”
I about knocked him off his chair.
People on Amazon loved the review.
And so many people wrote that they could totally relate.
Some people thought the mom would make a great comedy writer.
And the truth is, this “mom” is actually a writer. The word “mom” is in quotes because, as much as we want this to be a completely real review, the person who wrote it is not actually a mother. His name is James O. Thach and he’s written many funny reviews on Amazon, including one for a vegetable slicer titled “Vegetable Cruelty.”
But maybe Kleenex should still listen to the review and start selling Kleenex tissues in even larger sizes. Those households with teenage boys are really out there, and the parents can probably use all the help they can get.