I kept Last Years’ Resolutions!
– don’t get pregnant
– always return my shopping cart
They’re the same every year.
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) December 31, 2018
My New Year’s resolution is to be more efficient. So I’m giving up on it right now instead of wasting all January acting like I can achieve it.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) December 30, 2018
New Years Resolution: find out what’s in pop tarts
— Timothy Granaderos (@TGranaderos) December 26, 2018
My wife asked me what my New Years resolution is going to be. I shrugged.
My wife said that her New Years resolution is for her to eat “clean”, which means she has decided that my New Years resolution is also going to be that I eat “clean.”
— Jeremy Babineaux (@Jbabs001) December 30, 2018
My New Year’s resolution is to be less of an outright bitch and more of a secret bitch.
— Martha Kelly (@MarthaKelly3) December 31, 2018
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) December 29, 2018
My New Years resolution is to convince as many people as possible that “hillbilly” is short for “mountain William”
— emma 💥 (@e_tny) December 27, 2018
I guess my grandma just made my New Years resolution for me pic.twitter.com/uDqG3XbRVJ
— George Hart (@hartattack99) December 30, 2018
– find source of “the smell”
– do more twitter
– file 2008-2016 taxes
– reclaim shower from raccoons
– no more mr. two pubes
— dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) December 30, 2018
New year new me
New year new m
New year new
New year ne
New year n
Never mind f
Never mind fo
Never mind forg
Never mind forge
Never mind forget
Never mind forget i
Never mind forget it
— JAMES ᴮᵁᵀ ᴳᴬᵞ (@jamesxingleton) December 26, 2018
my new years resolution is to never find out what bird box is
— maura quint (@behindyourback) December 29, 2018