21.
my new year’s resolution is to have healthier thought patterns bc as of right now someone can text me “ok” instead of “ok!” & i’ll be in my head assuming they hate me and are praying for my untimely demise
— ellie (@holy_schnitt) December 28, 2018
22.
My daughter: “Daddy, you have a very big tummy. Like Peppa’s Daddy.”
Me: “you’re comparing me to Daddy Pig?”
Daughter: “yes.”Well… My resolution to not eat at all throughout 2019 has just been made much easier. pic.twitter.com/56UsNBvuuo
— Peter Shankman (@petershankman) December 29, 2018
23.
One of my New Years resolutions is to give off more BDE and also more HGE (horse girl energy)
— Adam Rippon (@Adaripp) December 29, 2018
24.
My New Years resolution is to be more active. Sexually.
— Dysfunction Jct (@mjs03093641) December 28, 2018
25.
my resolution for 2019 is to refer to myself less often as “trash” and more often as “recycling” because at least my nonsense is eco-friendly and sustainable
— emma lord (@dilemmalord) December 28, 2018
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) December 28, 2018
26.
i think a great new years resolution would be for people to learn what eyebrows are supposed to look like before they draw them on their face.
— cypher nought (@letstrytomorrow) December 27, 2018
27.
My New Year’s Resolution is to leaving out words in my Tweets
— Michael Eisen (@mbeisen) December 31, 2018
28.
I’m trying to complete my 2018 New Year’s resolution list. To sum it up, I have 25 hours to lose 38 pounds. Serious suggestions only, please.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) December 30, 2018
29.
2019 New Year’s resolution: no more bangs. please.
— Louise (@lsmrfl) December 27, 2018
30.
my new years resolution is to come to terms with the fact that John Mayer is in his 40s
— Christine Sydelko (@csydelko) December 23, 2018
31.
My New Year’s resolution is 7680×4320.
— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) December 31, 2018
32.
I am happy that this year I kept my resolution of not being passive aggressive…
As opposed to somebody I know!
— Fr. Goyo (@FrGoyo) December 29, 2018
33.
This past year I went to the gym four times, and my New Years resolution is to cut that number in half.
— Alex Wyse (@alexwyse) December 28, 2018
34.
my New Year’s resolution is to stop saying “yowza” during intercourse
— Django Gold (@django) December 31, 2018
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This.👇👇👇https://t.co/JOgU5rcuWm
— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) December 28, 2018
H/T Huffington Post