26 Husbands & Boyfriends Who Deserve To Sleep On The Couch For Eternity

In the first several weeks and months (and, I guess, even years for some freakos?) of dating, every couple is in the honeymoon phase. Everything the other does is thought to be worthy of doting praise and adoration and attention. I’m here to poop on the party.

I’m here to tell you that if you find yourself fawning over your SOs cute burps or snores, know that those bodily emissions will be the bane of your existence sooner than you know. I’m here to tell you that his being kind of jealous will turn real old reaaaaal quick, and her cute messiness is going to make you want to put your head through a wall one day. SNAP OUT OF IT.

Anyway, here at 26 women who don’t yet know they’ll be sending their godawful husbands and boyfriends to sleep on the couch real freakin soon.

26. The boyfriend who exchanged a frying pan for a tennis racket as a ‘practical joke:’

25. The husband who thought this was a funny thing to do on a nanny cam:

“I got bored and turned on the motion detection on our nanny cam and set it to email my wife while she’s at work. Then I dressed up in an old Halloween mask and set my plan into motion. My ear is still bleeding from her phone call. But yet I can’t wait to buy more masks,” he wrote on Reddit.

24. And the one who took a selfie when his wife was in labor:

“My wife wanted to make sure that someone took a picture of the expression on our faces when our daughter was born today. So I took one.”

23. The boyfriend who “sharpened” his girlfriend’s lipstick:

22. And the one who committed unspeakable atrocities against a Kit-Kat bar:

21. And the one who taught his partner that falling asleep on FaceTime is a very, very real occurrence after all:

20. The husband who thought THIS was an ok way to serve himself some brownies:

19. And the one who did exactly as he was told, no more, no less:

18. The husband who literally had this ticket printed as an early Valentine’s day “gift”:

17. The boyfriend who googly-eyed every single item in the fridge:

16. And the boyfriend who doesn’t seem to understand how this whole period thing works:

15. The husband whose idea of a really good Christmas gift is a giant blanket of his own face:


14. The boyfriend who referred to his partner as “uncultured swine:”

13. And the one whose caption focused mostly on buttcheeks:

12. The husband who thinks eating just the muffin tops is not an egregious breach of etiquette:

11. The boyfriend who brought his girl a big ole bowl of IDK:

10. The husband who hoards drinking vessels at the top of the staircase:

My husband leaves a plethora of cups at the top of the stairs for weeks. He’s run out of room, so now a couple of cups has accumulated in our bathroom.”

9. The boyfriend who “tricked” his girlfriend by hiding a ring box in his underwear drawer:

8. The husband who was simply asked to unpack and sack some TP, but who instead turned the task of wiping into a booby-trapped game of Jenga:

7. And the one who thinks bras are clasped like so:

6. This boyfriend and his newly found label-maker obsession:

5. And the one who called his girlfriend “crusty as hell…in HD.”

4. The husband who “cleaned up the kitchen” for his wife:

3. The boyfriend who thought replacing the toilet paper with a lint roller would be HYSTERICAL:

2. And the boyfriend who made this face when his girl caught the bouquet:

1. And, finally, the 6’2″ husband who hung this mirror…for his 5’1″ wife: