It’s that time of the week again, folks. The time when we bring you our highly-coveted list of all of the most hilarious tweets from women over the past week. Because there’s no better way to kick off the weekend than with some downright funny ladies.
So, without further ado, please enjoy the lovely female comedians of Twitter and try not to pee your pants from laughter.
1.
dating my last boyfriend was like being on the bachelor but not knowing I was on the bachelor
— Sara Morse (@saramorseyy) February 27, 2019
2.
the process of moving is not worth it. live exactly where you live now til you die.
— marisa kabas (@MarisaKabas) February 28, 2019
3.
https://twitter.com/kayyorkcity/status/1100988557047537664
4.
STOP blocking your momma from your posts… let her see the hoe she raised
— Ahenewaaa 🪷 (@ahenewaaa) February 26, 2019
5.
due to personal reasons i will be going completely off the fucking rails
— ‏ً (@sadhotgirI) February 13, 2019
6.
Are these the only two options pic.twitter.com/Whdc2cN7Tn
— ali segel (@OnlineAlison) February 27, 2019
7.
me chasing after the ice cream truck pic.twitter.com/uFh6F3ad7x
— batkaren (@batkaren) May 1, 2016
8.
my cousin has a michael myers mask and he can’t stop wearing it pic.twitter.com/kzvog7VhKA
— gis (@GIZZZYO) February 25, 2019
9.
what if public libraries were open late every night and we could engage in public life there instead of having to choose between drinking at the bar and domestic isolation
— erin glass (@erinroseglass) February 23, 2019
10.
oh my god congratulations pic.twitter.com/VM4z7IdEDr
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) February 21, 2019
11.
the mic drop equivalent on a group text is when you write something, send, and then boldly toss phone aside and leave the room to “let it ride”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 26, 2019
12.
ladies if he:
– takes hours to text back
– chooses fortnite over you
– leeches off you for money
– doesn’t care about school
– talks about how hot your sister isthat’s not your man that’s my ex Jonathan i miss you
— Anu (@anugov1) February 28, 2019
13.
thinking about yelling, “thar she blows” the next time i cum
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) March 1, 2019
14.
I’ve been putting off shaving my legs for an hour now. Well like, two months and one hour, but whatever
— .Mela. (@mela_shea) February 28, 2019
15.
Me as a host: Here’s an assortment of novelty chocolates and 36 options for tea and coffee. I’ve placed tiny bells all over the house so if you need something just ring. Please take whatever cash is in my wallet.
Me as a guest: Tap water sounds amazing 🙂
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) February 28, 2019
h/t Twitter