There’s An Online Group Dedicated To People Sharing Their Favorite One-Liners —Here Are 27 Of Our Favorites

I don’t know about you but I love a good joke. One-liners are my favorites because they’re quick to get to the punchline.

Sometimes they’re puns, and other times they’re pretty clever. If you also like one-liners you may want to check out this subreddit where people share their favorites.

Here are some of the best one-liners people shared. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.


Close Up Photo of Hands on Braille
via, Photo by Mikhail Nilov on Pexels

“DO NOT TOUCH” must be one of the most terrifying things to read in braille.


grayscale photography of Grand tourer parking near road
via, Photo by Tech Nick on Unsplash

If your Tesla gets stolen, is it called an Edison now?


Macro Photography of Red Ant
via, Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?


person reading a book with hands on top of book

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.


Assorted Silver-colored Pocket Watch Lot Selective Focus Photo
via, Photo by Giallo on Pexels

I was gonna tell a time-traveling joke but you guys didn’t like it


From above anonymous ethnic student wearing uniform and solving problem in chemistry while writing formula on white table in lab
via, Photo by on Pexels

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20


black computer keyboard

Superglue can also be used for cleaning your computer keyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd


Person Pressing the Button of a Remote Control

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.


pencil eraser
via, Photo by Kim Gorga on Unsplash

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.


people sitting near bonfire during night time

Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for the night, set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.


Crop faceless person demonstrating sign Sale

My wife keeps telling me that I’m the cheapest person she has ever met in her life but I’m just not buying it.


black car interior

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time until there’s a country song where the guy’s truck leaves him.


via, Photo by DeSa81 on Pixabay

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not


Hippopotamus Looking For Food
via, Photo by Onkel Ramirez on Pexels

Humans are scared of hippos because they’re violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year, so that’s just being hippocritical.


woman in blue tank top standing beside white wall

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, but apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.


Back View of Woman during Shower

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo, “Head and Shoulders” have not followed up with a body wash called, “Knees and toes.”


selective focus photography of assorted-color balloons

Like most men my age, I’m 51.


red apple fruit on black surface

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird feisty caffeinated weightlifters.


green, red, and white fireworks on sky at nighttime

It’s crazy that it’s July 5th and people are still setting off fireworks, one nearly set my Christmas tree on fire.


Dictionary Text in Bokeh Effect
via, Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

I met a guy who was convinced that there were no words in the English language with more syllables than vowels, so I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refused to accept criticism.


selective focus photography of shark
via, Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark, so in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.


sliced cheese on clear glass plate

Dropped a tub of margarine on my foot last month and it still hurts, I can’t believe it’s not better.


man statue
via, Photo by Noah Näf on Unsplash

At a job interview, I was asked if I could perform under pressure, I said no but I could have a fair crack at Bohemian Rhapsody


Man Wearing Astronaut Suit
via, Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

It’s kind of disgraceful that even after 50 years many people have no idea who Neil Armstrong was, let alone what kind of trumpet he played.


Gray and Black Abstract Artwork
via, Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

The adjective for metal is metallic but not so for iron, which is ironic.


Two Girls Spreading Arms Together While Kneeling
via, Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party and that’s when I realized he was my favorite twin.


brown wolf standing boulder during daytime

As a kid, I thought a warehouse was a man who at full moon turned into a house.

Nate Armbruster

Nate Armbruster is a stand-up comedian and writer based in Chicago who is likely writing a joke as you read this. Find him online at