Jason Mustian
We all have days when our confidence feels a little flimsy. The tricky part is, low self-esteem doesn’t always show up as moping in the corner — sometimes it’s hiding in the everyday words we use.
I’ve been there. I’ve downplayed my ideas, apologized for things that weren’t my fault, and laughed off compliments because I didn’t believe them. It turns out, according to psychologists, that the way we talk can reveal far more about our self-worth than we realize.
This isn’t about judging yourself for using these phrases — it’s about noticing them. When you catch yourself saying one, you get the choice to shift your language… and maybe your mindset.
1. “I’m Sorry” (for things that don’t need it)
Frequent, unnecessary apologies can signal a deeper fear of conflict or rejection. According to research on self-esteem and communication, people with low self-worth often apologize preemptively to smooth interactions before any tension exists.
If you’re apologizing for the weather, for asking a basic question, or for taking up space in a meeting, you might be trying to protect yourself from perceived disapproval.
This isn’t to say “never apologize” — genuine mistakes deserve it. But if your go-to sentence starter is “I’m sorry,” try swapping in “Thanks for your patience” or “I appreciate your time.” It keeps the politeness without reinforcing the idea that you’re automatically in the wrong.
2. “No Worries” (When it is very much worries)
People with low self-esteem often minimize their needs, achievements, or contributions. Studies show that dismissing your own value can reinforce internal narratives of unworthiness.
If a coworker thanks you for saving a project and you reply, “Oh, it was nothing,” you might think you’re being humble. In reality, you’re signaling — to yourself and others — that your work doesn’t matter.
A healthier response might be, “I’m glad I could help.” It validates your role without tipping into arrogance. And here’s the kicker — when you consistently acknowledge your own contributions, your brain starts to believe you actually deserve that credit.
3. “I Don’t Want To Bother You”
This phrase is a masterclass in pre-rejection. According to interpersonal communication research, it’s common among people who anticipate their needs will be inconvenient to others.
It might seem polite, but it often communicates, “I don’t think my needs are important enough to ask for.” Over time, that belief can erode both self-worth and relationships — because people never get the chance to show they want to help.
Instead, try leading with the request itself: “Would you have a few minutes to look at this?” You still give the other person an out, but you start from the assumption that your needs are valid.
4. “I’m Probably Wrong, But…”
When you undercut yourself before even making a point, you tell your brain — and your audience — not to take you seriously. Research on self-handicapping shows this kind of verbal hedging is common when people fear failure or criticism.
You might use it to soften the blow if you’re wrong, but it also sabotages you when you’re right. It’s like walking into a room and announcing, “Don’t mind me, I’m not important.”
Instead, try stating your thought confidently and, if needed, inviting input: “Here’s my take — what do you think?” It keeps the door open for correction without shrinking yourself first.
5. “I Got Lucky”
When success happens, low self-esteem often chalks it up to luck, not skill. Psychologists call this attribution bias, and it can keep you stuck feeling like an imposter in your own achievements.
Sure, luck plays a role in life. But if you consistently write off your wins as coincidence, you never reinforce the truth — that your preparation, effort, and decision-making mattered.
The next time someone congratulates you, try: “Thanks — I worked really hard on that.” You can acknowledge fortunate timing without erasing your own role in making it happen.
6. “It’s Fine” (When It’s Not)
People with low self-esteem sometimes avoid expressing dissatisfaction to keep the peace. Research on assertiveness and self-worth shows that chronic suppression of feelings can lead to resentment and burnout.
“It’s fine” becomes a verbal shield — you avoid potential conflict, but you also avoid getting your needs met. Over time, this can make you feel invisible, even in close relationships.
A more balanced approach might be: “I’d like to talk about this when you have a moment.” It signals that something matters to you without starting a fight.
7. “I Could Never Do That”
This phrase sounds harmless, even admiring — but often it’s self-limiting. According to self-efficacy theory, believing you can’t do something becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you tell someone, “I could never run a marathon” or “I could never give a speech like that,” you reinforce the idea that your abilities are fixed. That belief can keep you from even trying.
Instead, try, “I haven’t done that yet” or “That would be a big challenge for me.” It leaves room for possibility, which is exactly where growth happens.
8. “I Don’t Know” (As a Reflex)
There’s nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know something — honesty is good. But people with low self-esteem sometimes use it as a default answer, even when they do have an opinion.
Psychology research links this habit to fear of judgment. If you never commit to an answer, you can’t be wrong… but you also can’t be right.
Next time you feel that reflex kick in, try offering a thought with a caveat: “I’m not certain, but here’s what I think.” It communicates both humility and engagement.
9. “Sorry, I’m Such A Mess”
Self-deprecating humor can be charming, but constant put-downs — especially about your appearance or worth — can signal (and reinforce) low self-esteem.
Research shows that repeated negative self-talk wires your brain to believe it. So even if you say it jokingly, your subconscious isn’t laughing.
You can still acknowledge imperfections without trashing yourself. Try, “I’ve had a hectic day” or “Things are a bit chaotic right now.” Same honesty, less self-erasure.
10. “I Don’t Deserve This”
Whether it’s a compliment, an opportunity, or a gift, rejecting it with “I don’t deserve this” is like handing your self-worth the world’s smallest participation trophy.
Psychologists note that accepting positive feedback can feel uncomfortable for people with low self-esteem because it conflicts with their self-image. But learning to receive is part of building a healthier one.
The next time you feel tempted to deflect, try: “Thank you — that means a lot.” It’s simple, gracious, and reinforces that you’re allowed to benefit from good things.
11. “I’m Just…”
“I’m just a junior,” “I’m just a stay-at-home parent,” “I’m just helping out.” That little word “just” can shrink your identity down to something disposable.
Language research shows that qualifiers like this subtly diminish perceived importance — both in your own mind and in others’.
Try dropping the “just” and stating the fact: “I’m a junior designer,” “I’m a stay-at-home parent.” It’s amazing how much more weight your role carries when you stop apologizing for existing.
12. “Never Mind”
When you back out of speaking up with a “never mind,” it’s often because you assume your input isn’t worth hearing. According to communication studies, people with lower self-esteem are more likely to withdraw from conversations mid-thought.
It might feel safer in the moment, but it’s a slow erasure of your voice. Each time you silence yourself, you make it harder to speak up next time.
Instead, try giving yourself permission to finish the thought, even if it feels imperfect. Progress comes from practice, not perfection.
We all have moments where these phrases slip out — they’re human, not a permanent sentence. The difference is in noticing them, and deciding whether they reflect who you actually want to be.
Low self-esteem can be stubborn, but language is one of the simplest levers we have to shift it. The more you speak like someone who values themselves, the more your brain starts to believe it.
And who knows — maybe one day “I’m sorry” and “never mind” will give way to something far more powerful: “Here’s what I think.”