Chipotle: Would you like to add guac?
Me: Is it extra?
Me: Nah I’m good
— Shoshana Weissmann, Regulatory Reform Muse (@senatorshoshana) December 11, 2018
Scarf? You mean a shredded cheese catcher?
— krispy (@KrispyTacoBelle) December 12, 2018
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) December 13, 2018
THE GRINCH: *Carving the roast beast*
CINDY LOU WHO: *Whispers* That was your dog. I made you carve your dog for stealing our gifts.
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) December 12, 2018
A colleague has just been fired from work and someone else put their hand up and asked how it would affect the Secret Santa
— g0_f1sh (@g0_f1sh) December 12, 2018
I just realized that in all of the purge movies, nobody ever steals anything valuable. All crime is legal for 24 hours straight and all you people are interested in is killing one another? Bitch the Apple store right across the street.
— Peter (@OkigboXL) December 11, 2018