The Definitive Thanksgiving Family Dinner Seating Chart

Well, the holidays are here and before you know it, you’ll be forced to sit down with all of the people in your life who have no filter.

That’s why I put this handy little Thanksgiving dinner seating chart together.

Now you can know in advance exactly what you’re in for.

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The turkey is lucky it gets to be dead.

(This was a feature I originally posted on Mandatory.)

And here’s a pie chart I put together that sums up all the Things I Do At Halloween Parties.

And just in case you prefer reading text over graphic:

The Definitive Thanksgiving Family Dinner Seating Chart

Main Table:
1. Your mom who constantly tells you you’ve gotten too skinny
2. Your grandma who has recently developed serious flatulence problems
3. You
4. Your sister’s husband who always spits a little food whenever he asks you to pass something.
5. Your sister who constantly tells you you’ve gotten too fat
6. Your dad who lists all of the things he accomplished by the time he was your age
7. Your brother who has accomplished everything your father has and more
8. Your brother’s latest girlfriend whose nipples are unusually hard for the temperature of the room
9. Your aunt who keeps catching you glancing at your brother’s girlfriend’s nipples
10. Your grandpa who just keeps yelling “WHAT?!” even though no one is talking to him

Kids Table:
1. Your sister’s twin daughter, Kimberly. Or is that one Karen?
2. Your sister’s other twin daughter, Karen. Or is that one Kimberly?
3. Your divorced brother’s kid who you only see at Thanksgiving every other year
4. Your uncle who pissed your aunt off by staring at your brother’s girlfriend’s nipples earlier

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