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People Are Sharing The Absurd Lies Their Parents Told Them As Kids (17 Stories)

Sometimes, parents lie to their kids.

It’s not the best tactic, but often it feels like there is no other way. Some lies are meant to encourage whimsy in a child’s life, like the story about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. But others are sometimes just desperate attempts to stop a kid from doing super annoying things, like playing with the light switch.

On Reddit, people are sharing the lies their parents told them, and some are very wholesome while others are just flat-out disturbing.


“My dad told me that every pickle you eat adds 5 minutes on your life. I was like 5 and damn did I ever take that to heart.” — covidongrounds


“I was told that Star Wars was real. Didn’t take too long to figure that one out.” — Pickle_Rick236


“One time I was just chillin in my room and my dad walked in, looked at me and said, ‘son, you know if you masturbate too much you will die.’ And I was like, ‘umm okay dad cool.’ Then he walked out. Super weird lol.” — Nap_Nap


“My dad tried to tell me that cars were run by hamsters on wheels under the gear shift, and they knew to run because the stick ended in a block of ice that would go on their backs. I was eight and asked him wtf he was talking about. He had been told this by his uncle and believed it, and was disappointed it didn’t work on me.” — Allredditorsarewomen


“I asked my dad where babies came from. He told me that he found me and my sisters in my mom’s cabbages. All he had to do was flip over the leaves and he saw our faces and pulled us out. My sisters and I spent hours looking for new babies.” — 1BoiledCabbage


“Staring at the microwave could give you cancer.” — Springtrappity


“If we couldn’t decide on a restaurant, my dad would tell us we’d better make up our minds quick or he’d take us to Vegetable World. I was like 11 before I realized it wasn’t a real restaurant. By golly, it worked until then though.” — Prossdog


“‘Don’t worry about paying for college, we’ll take care of the monthly payments: we’ll figure it out!’

Narrator: They didn’t.” — rugbyprop86


“A friend told me their parents would take them to ‘the toy museum’ aka FAO Schwartz, and nothing is for sale there, they just display the toys.” — primalscreem


“My dad has ridiculous cold tolerance. He’s the kind of guy that will be out in shorts and a t-shirt when it’s 36 °F outside. When I was six, I asked him how he was able to stand it, and he told me he just absorbed heat all summer long and stored it for the winter. He worked outdoors all summer, so it made perfect sense to six year old me.” — Moctor_Drignall