Patricia Grisafi
Kids’ emotions are wild. They are these tiny people trying to navigate a world that seems so overwhelming and wonderful and weird and scary—and sometimes they act badly.
And when it’s your kid that is acting badly? It can be difficult to figure out what kind of appropriate action to take.
One mom on Reddit found herself dealing with a sassy six-year-old who forced the babysitter to quit.
Once the babysitter quit, the family had to scramble to restructure their days, and the OP told her daughter that it was her fault the babysitter left.
The OP has three kids: a six-year-old, four-year-old, and a nearly one-year-old. When she was pregnant, she says she had a sitter pick the other two up from school and watch them.
“We really liked her and appreciated her. My eldest loved her babysitter, but she began to develop a huge attitude. I know one of her friends has a nanny who she’s basically allowed to boss around with little consequence. We told my daughter that her sitter is in charge and she’s to respect her, not demand things of her.”
“A few months ago, the sitter asked my daughter to grab the baby’s diaper bag, and my daughter sassed back saying, “You can’t tell me what to do, I’m the boss of you!” Sitter told me that night, and I immediately addressed it, in front of the sitter. I told my daughter that was not acceptable, she’s not the boss of anyone, and I took away her TV privilege for a week.”
The six-year-old continued to sass the babysitter, despite other warnings and more privileges taken away. The OP felt guilty and even gave the nanny a raise. She also stopped playdates with the friend who treats her nanny terribly.
“I did try talking with my daughter calmly and asking why she felt this was okay. She’d say, ‘We pay her, I’m her boss.’ And I said no, that’s not true,” the OP said. “I said she is hired to take care of her and deserved respect. My daughter would always seem to understand.”
“Well, things came to a head a few weeks ago. My daughter was acting up, sitter had tried several de-escalation tactics but finally told her to go have quiet time in her room. My daughter screamed in her face ‘I’m the boss of you! I’ll get you fired!’ The sitter calmly picked up the phone and called me (we have cameras in our house-which she knew about) and told me to come home, immediately. Upon arrival, she quit.”
“I was furious with my daughter and let her have it. She had several things taken away from her and she didn’t do anything remotely fun until recently. This whole thing has left us in a bind. I’ve been scrambling to find a new sitter but in the meantime, I got my daughter into an afterschool program. Because there’s no more sitter, there’s no one to take her to her swim class. She’s been complaining that she can’t do it anymore, and I told her that it’s her own fault. She is why her sitter quit and until I can find someone new, she won’t get to do the fun activities that her sitter took her to.”
The OP’s husband said the OP was being too harsh, that the girl is only six.
What do Redditors think? Appropriate punishment? Or too much?
“NTA – Her actions impacted someone enough to make them quit a job they were being paid to do. She has soiled her reputation as word spreads fast within the babysitter community if a child treats their caregiver like that. I imagine this wasn’t three isolated events but more like it was happening way more frequently but those three times were when the babysitter was at her last straw. The consequences before didn’t work and now the impact of her actions is bothering her. She is old enough to know now that her actions had consequences and this is why she can’t go to her fun activities,” said Magpie2632.
“OP, you weren’t being harsh, instead, you’re far better than most people on this sub. Definitely a great job at giving your daughter stern boundaries, to not let her grow up spoiled. She is a six-year-old. Surely she should learn about respecting other people now? I’m slightly surprised she doesn’t have a heavier punishment, so this is definitely a fair enough consequence. And it wasn’t like you immediately yelled at your daughter. You gave her several chances, which she has repeatedly broken. Kudos to the babysitter as well, she took it like a champ instead of yelling at your daughter. Impressive,” noted 1baddream.
“YTA, your kid is 6. Sure they are old enough to understand consequences but nothing that your child did was developmentally inappropriate for her age, nor were they things that couldn’t have been dealt with in a patient manner. Having kids tests your nerves. I’ve got a 9 year old and a 7 year old. It doesn’t get easier. It gets only harder. Saying ‘this is all your fault, you’re a brat’ is absolutely not the way to approach this. Maybe sit down. Apologize for how you spoke to her (yes apologize. Apologizing to kids when you are wrong is incredibly Important and teaches personal responsibility and the ability to admit they were wrong in the future) , and explain what you really meant. Tell your 6 year old when she treats people bad and makes them feel bad they might not want to be around her. And that the way she treated her babysitter made her feel bad. Cite specific examples ‘remember when you said this’ ‘remember when you did this.’ (Adding: once your child acknowledges she did something wrong, and she made the sitter feel bad, then bring up missing out on swimming as a consequence of that because no she has to go to aftercare elsewhere. And that when you do find a new sitter she can go back to swimming but she’s going to have to try really hard and treat her new baby sitter the way she wants people to treat her so she doesn’t miss out on it anymore). Instill empathy instead of shame in your child while still framing what happened as a consequence of how she acted. I will always recommend reading and research on child development. Your daughter is old enough to understand, but she is not old enough to be shamed into compliance without lasting psychological effects,” explained Efficient-Leek.
“YTA. 6 years old. Your daughter just started retaining memories like, two years ago. Her brain is not developed enough to understand the concept of money, what it entails to generate it, duties of jobs, getting people fired. And then you talked down on her about it, probably sat her down and made her look you in the eye as you lectured her on her etiquette. And I wouldn’t be surprised if she now carried a certain grief and resentment. These things she’s talking about, these are adult topics. Keep them separate from her childhood, because she cannot distinguish the difference between appropriate topics for adults and children for herself. I was a “bad little girl” and was always being told how I made the baby sitter go away. Midway through my adulthood, I realized I had a behavorial disorder. Maybe someone might have noticed if they weren’t too busy lecturing and punishing me for being ‘bad,'” said gfi_hf6.
“6 y/os have interesting ways of perceiving the world, and need adult support to figure out complex relationships. Saying she is old enough to know better assumes she has been in circumstances that would enable her to learn these better ways of interacting, from an adult modelling this behaviour. I’m not saying OP has modelled behaviours that would lead to her daughter believing she has dominion over her sitter, but I am wondering whether she has done enough to model the kind of behaviour she does want to encourage,” noted Kiburi__.
“YTA – she did something ‘naughty’ but totally normal for a 6yo and you took away her TV privileges for an entire week?! That’s so out of proportion. She’s 6. A time out and maybe no TV for ONE day would have been fine. Then a month later she acted out…that is a long time between behaviors. I highly doubt your child was capable of connecting the two incidents with them being that far apart. You can teach your child consequences without assigning blame like that. You were too harsh and I feel bad for your kid. Learn was is developmentally appropriate for your children, please,” said dianeirl.
What do you think the OP should have done in this situation?
Featured image: Pexels
