Kate Hackett
Having kids is hard — I mean, yeah, the act of keeping them alive is probably really difficult, but have you stopped to consider the act of keeping them from saying absolutely horrifically embarrassing things? Because I bet that’s harder.
Reddit user asked parents “What’s the most embarrassing thing your child did in public, and what did you do in that moment?” and confirmed my worst fears: yup, keeping kids from totally mortifying you is WAY harder than keeping them alive.
Take a look!
1. Oprah?
This was back in 1998. I live in a fairly small town in British Columbia Canada. It is about 99.9% white people. I had my daughter at the grocery store and there was a person of color at the checkout. My two-year-old pointed at her and said “Oprah!” Oprah!!”
I died. My soul left my body.
Completely full of grace, the lady laughed and laughed and then said “Oh I wish I was Oprah!” – Hereinpen
2. Oh no!
My oldest had a talent for finding hard surfaces with his head. He smacked into a door frame at preschool when he fell off a bouncy horse and had a huge goose egg in the middle of his forehead. Gravity did its thing and the blood in the goose egg slid down his face, blacking both eyes.
A few days after he looked like he went 3 rounds with Mike Tyson. He was at the airport with his aunt and cousin waiting for Grandma to get off the plane.
A lady said, “Oh, you have two beautiful children.”
He could have said. “Oh, this is my aunt,” or “She’s my cousin.”
Instead, he looked up at her sadly with two black eyes and said, “I don’t belong to these people.”
His aunt hissed, “You’re gonna get me arrested!” – urbancowgirl42
3. Vegas
My wife and I were in Vegas for work when my son was about 3. We hired a babysitter so we could go out to dinner. The babysitter arrived as we were changing my son and the second the hotel room door opened he sprinted. It caught the sitter off guard and my son got a good head start.
He ran down two hallways completely nude with us running behind him before we managed to catch up and grab him. He ran by several other guests including a groupof young men who were cheering him on. On the way back he repeatedly yelled, “everybody sees my peepee.” I’m retrospect it’s hilarious, at the time it was not. – woogychuck
4. Little white girl.
My eldest sister, when she was 3, was walking through a park in London with my dad. On passing a stranger, she yells: HEY BIG BLACK MAN! (Dad starts freaking out)
Stranger: HEY LITTLE WHITE GIRL! – Username2224411
5. Yowch!
My 4yo walked in on me while I was changing my pad and he was concerned about me bleeding so I explained to him that im ok etc. The next day I took him to our local mom&pop toy shop and when we got to the counter to pay he said to the owners “My mommy’s bleeding from her Pee Pee but shes ok” they said oh ok would you like a bag. – aaronkellysbones
6. Yiiiiikes
My child was about 4 years old this was the early 80s, we’re on a bus and a Sikh gentleman walked on the bus and my kid says, “oh look Mommy it’s a genie.” – moogiemomm
7. Fuck you, freckles.
For some reason when my kid was learning the word “Freckle” it came out “F*ck you.”
…so we were in line at Starbucks and I was holding my daughter and this lady comes up behind us who had a freckle on her cheek and my daughter points and goes “F*ck you.” – SeaTie
8. Field trip helper
My daughter 4, had went on a field trip at her preschool where they were hiking through the woods, and really needed to go pee and a “helper” (another kid’s parent) said just go over there no one is looking. Then a few days later while she was outside playing with the neighbor hood kids, she dropped trow in front of the neighbors house to try and pee in their FRONT YARD.
I ran and grabbed her and pulled up her pants and took her inside. She explained everything but I was completely taken aback because I know I had never shown her that. My daughter did not understand nuanced situations at that age so she thought if she could do it there she could do it anywhere. – daddakammabb1
9. Swim lessons
My 3yo son was finishing up swim lessons and I asked him to hurry up and dry off, get his shoes on because I needed to use the restroom.
Him: “peepees or doodies, mom?”
Me: “it doesn’t matter honey, let’s just get our shoes on and go”
Him: “peepees or doodies?” (Loud enough for people to start looking at us)
Me: “we don’t need to talk about that”
Him: “PEEPEES OR DOODIES MOMMY?!?!?” (Now everyone is looking)
Me: “can we just hurry please?”
Him: “must be doodies then” I died. – nellyann
10. Periods
From my 2 year old in a bathroom; she noticed I had a stain inside my underwear because…sometimes periods do that. Duh.
But she goes “mama, you poopoo in your panties?”
And I had to explain that no, I did not. But she kept on it. That was embarrassing. – Detronyx
11. Are you. My dad. WTF, kid.
Pushing my 3 yr old in the cart while grocery shopping. Every man we passed, he asked, “Are you my Dad?” (His father and I had divorced but he definitely knew his Dad.) – 38563856
12. Good for you, kid
When my son was 3 he saw me getting out of the shower and said “Daddy why are your balls so big?”
So we explained to him that when boys grow up their testicles and penis get bigger.
Flash forward to about a week later. We are signing papers for a lease on a car. My son, very loudly, informs the saleswoman “MY DADDY HAS BIG BALLS AND WHEN I GROW UP I WILL HAVE BIG BALLS TOO!”
She started snorting from laughter. My wife and I turned red but pretty soon we were laughing too. I think the whole damn dealership heard him. – offspring515
13. Oh dear.
As I was changing my pad in the stall of a crowded restroom.
My toddler: “it’s ok mommy I still use my diapers too”
Got a lot of laughs from the other ladies in the bathroom for that one. – dollyprincessb
14. Butts!
Not my child, but my nephew. My mom, older sister and I were wedding dress shopping for my upcoming wedding (15 yrs ago). My sister’s husband was at work so she brought along my 3 yr old nephew, who would end up being my ring bearer. At the bridal place there are mirrors EVERYWHERE. As the 3 of us are talking about the dress I was trying on, we realize that my nephew was being too quiet. We look over, and he had his back to one of the mirrors, bent over, pants around his ankles and he was mooning himself. I laughed so hard I started crying, but my sister was mortified. – bookluvr83
15. Meep.
My son had some issues differentiating a and o. On his third birthday we were at a restaurant and the waitress asked if he was ready for cake.
His response: “C*CK!? I LOVE C*CK!!!!”
His mom and I both yelled “CAKE!! He loves cake.” – grow_something
16. Best time for it
It was my grandfather’s funeral, and we were all in the church. My infant son had not pooped for almost a week. In the middle of one of the eulogies he unleashed a weeks worth of poo into his nappy with the LOUDEST fart. It leaked EVERYWHERE and got on my husband (who was holding him). My gorgeous husband took him out of the church and cleaned him up, and when the funeral was over I came out to find my son in a nappy and wrapped in a blanket because his clothes were covered.
Everyone had a good laugh, but I was mortified for a little. My grandfather would have found it hilarious though and was probably laughing in heaven – lilybet93
17. Car man
My daughter saw a guy in a wheel chair and pointed and yelled “look dad its a car man!” – whyevnask
18. Uhhh?
My daughter (5) asked to see a hedgehog’s vulva when a pet store employee was holding it. So that. – hecklebutter
