Patricia Grisafi
For many, one of the great joys of parenting is being affectionate with your children. Hugging, kissing, and cuddling is a great way to bond and show each other love. Unfortunately for one Redditor, his wife sees his affection with his twin sons in a different light after one of them came out of the closet.
Now, when she sees the three of them cuddling during movie night or even just kissing in greeting, she expresses her discomfort. It seems like she is homophobic and also has a strange idea of how a father and his gay son should act together.
“When I (37M) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to ‘ruin’ her future so they said that I had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. I wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to. For the first seven years of my boys’ lives, I didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (They knew I was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons),” the OP wrote.
“When I was ready to move out, I wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so I had to take them (I didn’t want it at first but I’m glad it happened). We started bonding as father-sons, I started loving them and their love for me increased I remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while I wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and I often kissed their forehead. We’ve been doing this since they were seven.”
“I met my current wife 5 years ago, (my kids were 15), we married, and 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4F). She saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything. My kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. My boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while I wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and I’m watching TV.”
“My son Liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. I don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, I love them no matter what, I just want them to be happy and I don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable.”
“My son visited me again last Wednesday (Since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time ‘officially out’) I was watching ‘Red’ with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son Liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while I wrap my arm around him, then I kissed his forehead and said, ‘Good to have you back buddy.'”
“We went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again. While she doesn’t mind me doing it with Lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with Liam. I told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, I also called her homophobic. She accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus I said, ‘that’s ok because you are not.’ My brother says I should understand because this is a big ‘change’ for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get ‘used to’ this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves. Am I in the wrong?”
Being affectionate with your children is a great way to show them you care! But the OP’s wife sounds like she has a real problem.
“NTA. She is being homophobic. The world needs more dads like you,” said
“NTA- Your wife is sexualizing a gesture that is from parental love. I would be offended and tell her that she is being disgusting. At 15, your boys were fine being raised when she entered their life, so she really doesn’t have any say,” said
“The fact that her thoughts went in a sexual direction is her problem. Father-son love doesn’t change just because one of them verbalizes that they’re gay,” noted
Your wife has some deep, deep issues if she sees anything sexual in a very healthy and honestly beautiful father-son relationship. Especially since she doesn’t mind the same kind of relationship with a straight son. I had to delete several lines I was about to write about your wife’s thought process, because it’s just so disgusting. Please, sit her down and have a very serious talk about this,” urged
“Absolutely NTA. I don’t think your son coming out should change how you behave with him, especially just to please your wife. She’ll hopefully learn to accept it some point. Btw, I find it ADORABLE that you still cuddle your sons and kiss their forehead while watching movies. I don’t think I’ve heard of that many fathers that are loving like that with their sons, so I really admire that,” said
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