Kate Hackett
When kids are old enough to start wondering about drinking, parenting suddenly becomes 20 times harder. It’s impossible to know if it’s safer to permit it and be open or if kids should be on a tighter leash. u/SonBeer recently wondered if he was wrong for “suggesting/letting my 17-year-old son get drunk?”
Here’s what he said:
I (46M) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. My wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time.
OP and his son have been living alone for about a month while Mom cares for a sick relative overseas.
My son and I have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. On Saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend.
OP’s son told his dad that there was a party that weekend and he was nervous because he hadn’t had alcohol yet. They all live in Canada, where the drinking age is 19.
He was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. I’m not sure if this is relevant, but this is in Canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common.
So OP offered a few beers to his son to let him try things out. OP figured it was safer this way.
I asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a “test run” of sorts. My logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me.
OP cut his son off at 6 beers (which seems like a lot to me!) and though the kid was drunk, he slept it off.
We had some beers over a few hours in the night, and I cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). He was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. We talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party.
OP seemed happy with the experience; the kid got drunk in a safe place and now knows his limit. But when he told his wife…
I was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his “first experience” drinking in a safe environment, and I feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now.
She was furious.
However, in an effort to be transparent I told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. She thinks it was reckless and irresponsible.
AITA?
INFO: I understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but I figured she had enough going on and I didn’t need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time
Reddit said he was generally NTA.
“NTA. sounds like your intention was to teach your son not to binge drink,” wrote one person.
Another said, “NAH and honestly if you have raised a 17 year old who felt comfortable having that honest conversation with you before going to the party, good for you. You’ve been doing something right.”
And a third: “NAH. It was perfectly responsible to help your son understand the affect alcohol has on him in a safe space. That said, you should have discussed it with your wife beforehand; a lot of people have very strong opinions on alcohol and her feeling that she was of the loop is valid.”
