Kate Hackett
You probably rolled your eyes as you clicked this, right? Because OBVIOUSLY after the year+ we’ve all just had we can agree that anybody telling a teacher to f*** off is in the wrong.
Well, Reddit disagrees, and I have to say: with fair reason.
While I probably wouldn’t ever reach a point of telling a teacher to f*** off, I can absolutely understand why this dad reached a boiling point. u/AITAFOTEACHER wrote in to the AITA subreddit and wanted to know: Was he wrong? Let’s take a read.
I got a call from my son’s (6) teacher today. Let’s say her name is Ms. Goldbaum. She says hi are you Al’s (fake name) father? I say yes and ask if everything is Ok. She tells me that she understands he is having a birthday party and that he invited a few of his friends from class, but not everyone. I said yeah, there are a few kids in there that he has problems with and also I don’t think we can really handle hosting 24 kids and their parents.
Dad’s kid’s teacher called and asked if he had a birthday party coming up. Dad said… yup. But when the teacher asked the Dad to host all 24 kids in the class, Dad, understandably, said, uh, no.
She then tells me that there is a rule that if any kids in the class are invited that all kids in the class are invited. I told her it is an event off school hours on private property in my home. She can no more tell me what I do there and who I can and can’t invite anymore than I can decide who is invited to her Thanksgiving dinner.
The teacher told OP that her rule is that all kids get invited if any kids get an invite. OP said this was a private event not in school, so she has no say.
She then tells me there is a good reason for the rule since kids get their feelings hurt if they get left out. So then I pointed out to her that there are 24 kids in the class. If their parents attend the party with them then that can be upwards of 72 people and I told her that’s just not a reasonable thing to ask.
OP also explained that 24 kids + all their parents is an insane ask.
I also point out that he has friends from other classes attending, so do I have to invite that whole other class too? She then said “Al is in my class. He is under my supervision. This is my rule.” I then told her that Al is only under her supervision while he was in class. I am the one throwing the party, and she doesn’t get to make rules for my house or me. She then said if it involves her class, she does.
OP and the teacher keep going back and forth about this demand of the teacher’s. Eventually, the dad just said — no. “You can go fuck yourself”.
After a bit of back and forth on this, I lost my cool. I said “Lady, it’s pretty clear that you’re too used to bossing around kids who have to listen to you and that you don’t seem to understand that your little fiefdom ends at the end of the school day and doesn’t go further than schoolhouse gates. I am not a 6 year old in your class. I’m a 38 year old union electrician planning a private event in my own home, off school hours. If you think you’re the one to make the rules for me, in my home on which I pay the mortgage on, you can go fuck yourself and there isn’t a goddamn thing you can do about it.” She then kind of stammered and I ended the call.
OP’s wife agrees with him, but thought the language was a bit much. OP also kind of regrets that last bit (go F*** yourself) — but ultimately: is he the assh*le?
My wife agrees that the school has no business telling us who we can and can’t invite into our home and that they don’t make rules for our house. However, she says I went too far in telling Ms Goldbaum to go fuck herself. I am very comfortable with telling her that she has no right to tell us who we can and can’t invite into our home and that it is crazy I might have to invite up to 72 people for my son to have any friends from his class attend but in truth, I do kind of wish I left that last “go fuck yourself” part off.
But my friends at work and a few other parents tell me someone needed to take her down a peg since she was getting too big for her britches and deserved a lesson about overstepping.
So AITA?
Edit– To address a few common questions or things people brought up, first we invited roughly 9 out of 24 kids in his class. One or two may be from other classes–I’m a little embarrassed to say I’m not totally sure because I feel like I should be, but that’s what it is.
OP adds a few edits here by explaining the invitation process and the number of kids involved.
Secondly most of the invites were done by my wife directly texting the other kids’ families. There were a few kids where my son wanted to invite them, but I didn’t have their families’ contact info. So, we gave him a few sealed envelopes with notes inside saying we understand the boys are friends and that we’re having an event for his birthday and even aside from that, we’d like to set up play dates. From there, the family contacts us and then myself and my wife do the invites after we chat with the family for a bit. My son himself doesn’t do the invites. He is a 6 year old boy. We do the invites through the other parents.
Reddit was quick to deem him NOT the asshole.
