When you’re co-parenting and one parent fails to step up multiple times, do you cover for them or let your child know what’s happening? That’s the question one dad on Reddit is asking after his ex-wife neglected to purchase a birthday gift for their daughter.
The ex-wife basically pretended that the gift the OP bought was her gift to their kid — and even after the OP gave her time to confess, she did not explain that she had forgotten to get a gift. The OP eventually told his daughter what really happened. Should he have covered for his ex-wife again?
“I (30M) got divorced two years ago to my ex wife Jane (33F). We have a daughter together (10F) Riley. Two weeks ago it was her birthday. There was this bike that Riley wanted really badly so I decided to get it for her. Before hand I checked with Jane to make sure it was okay that I bought Riley this. Jane said that it was fine and she didn’t care,” the OP writes.
“When the day of her birthday came and it was time to open presents Jane acted like the bike was her gift to Riley, because she forgot to get Riley one. I wasn’t going to embarrass her in front of everyone so I let it slide. After that I told Jane that she better tell Riley that she didn’t get her the bike, and that I did or else I would tell Riley.”
“I gave Jane time to tell Riley, but she didn’t. It’s important to add in the past when Jane has forgotten to get Riley gifts I let her act as if it was a shared gift or she bought it, and I would end up having to buy another one.”
“Yesterday I ended up telling Riley that the bike she got was from me. She told me that she knew it was from me because there was a card in the box, but she didn’t say anything. Jane ended up finding out and got mad at me and told me that I was selfish for doing that.”
What do Redditors think?
“Jane is a peach. I can’t understand how you could separate from her. She seems lovely. NTA. please try to always be honest with your daughter. You’re doing great,” said
“NTA. Who ‘forgets’ to give their kid a birthday gift? I never have, even as a single mom,” shared
“NTA Your daughter has already figured out who her mom is. Carry on and be Riley’s soft place to land when mom hurts her even worse in the future,” said
“NTA at all. Seems like your daughter is appreciative of you being honest, even if she already knew. Jane is the selfish one- it’s easy to get a gift, at least something small yet nice that Riley would enjoy. She puts no effort into a gift for her own daughter’s birthday? Multiple times? Just be honest with your daughter and I’m sure she’ll appreciate your honesty and your care for her, this is Jane’s issue if she doesn’t have ‘the time’ or effort to get anything for Riley,” advised
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