Patricia Grisafi
Siblings aren’t going to have all the same opportunities. Unfortunately, that’s life. It’s not always going to feel fair, but if you’re a parent hopefully you can do your best to make sure your children are equipped to handle disappointment. Some parents, though, have odd ideas about how to teach fairness.
On Reddit, one dad is confused about his wife’s attempt to teach their children this concept.
In order to “even the score” after the son was treated to a vacation with friends, the OP’s wife wants to leave him home on a family vacation and only take their daughter.
“This all started back in March. My son’s best friend turned thirteen. In his family, thirteenth birthday is a huge deal. In addition to a massive party (which all four of us were invited to) his parents also took him to Disney World. They invited my son to attend as well,” the OP writes.
“My wife was hesitant to consent to this. She said it was unfair to allow our son to go when our nine year old daughter can’t. Especially since she loves Disney and princesses. I said that our kids won’t always have the exact same opportunities, and if we set a precedent here, we’ll have to stick to it if and when our daughter gets a similar opportunity. So we’d just be punishing both our children needlessly. My wife reluctantly agreed that we should allow our son to go.”
“I gave our son money to buy his sister souvenirs. He did, and his friend’s parents even bought extra stuff for him to give to her. Still, when she saw him come back wearing a Star Wars shirt with the Mickey hat and trading pin lanyard, she burst into tears. My wife later said we made a huge mistake and never should have let him go.”
“I (mistakenly) thought all of that was behind us. Now, we are not well off financially, but my BiL is, and he invited all of us to visit a beach house he rented for a summer send-off. My wife told me she wants to have our son stay with my dad and just take our daughter to ‘even the score.'”
“I told my wife that isn’t happening. We are their parents. We can’t favor one child over the other. Not being invited to the birthday trip of a kid you barely know is in no way comparable to being left out of a family vacation and I’m shocked she would even suggest such a thing. I refuse to allow it. Now my wife is angry, but I don’t care. I’m not punishing my son for being lucky. AITA?”
Redditors agreed that the OP’s wife is not behaving sensibly and that “evening the score” for children is an unhealthy concept.
“NTA. Your wife sounds like she has a clear favourite out of the two kids and isn’t afraid to show it. Of course your son should go on vacation with you all. I’m shocked that she would want him to miss out. That’s awful. Is she always this unkind to him?” asked
“I’m not sure it’s necessarily a ‘favourite’ thing, though. I think OPs wife has good intentions, they’re just misdirected and immature, but in her mind she’s making things fair,” suggested
“NTA. Die on this hill. You were 100% correct that your kids aren’t going to receive the same opportunities in life. Daughter has to learn how to handle situations like this in life, because she’s not always going to be treated the same or have the same opportunities as everyone around her and she needs to learn to handle that with grace. Also this is your family inviting you like you said, not a child’s friend. Your wife would be excluding your son from his entire family, which is just awful. Let your wife be angry about this, she’s completely out of line. What a strange reaction. I wonder what the root of it really is,” said
“This needs to be about parenting a child (the daughter) to handle disappointments in a healthy way. Not to expect the world to cater to to her and for it to only be fair. That expectation will screw up her world view forever, not the being left out of things. That is a transient kid experience to learn from. Your wife is a danger to your daughters emotional well being to set her up like this,” said
“As a mom I cannot imagine not taking both of my kids on vacation. This is just really sad, the daughter is allowed to feel sad but you cannot punish the son for having his own life with his own friends. I hope the mom reads this thread and wakes up. OP you’re NTA but your wife is. I’d take a good hard look at any differences in how your wife treats your son. Have birthdays been fair? Have present purchases been fair? Etc etc,” suggested
Featured Image: Pexels
