Raising kids sounds hard and like it’s pretty easy to butt heads with extended family over how you’re choosing to raise them. u/PatientEase had a frustrating story about her mother-in-law taking her daughter and getting the baby’s ears pierced, despite the Redditor saying no.
She took to Reddit to ask if she was an asshole for not letting the mother-in-law alone with the children after the incident. Here’s her story:
My husband’s family and I have had some cultural difference issues in the past. I try to stay out of them as best as I can, until they involve my kids (I have a son who is 4 and a daughter who is 3 months old). I’m good with them spoiling the kids and all that fun stuff, but I’ve put my foot down on the certain aspects of say “Women are to serve the men” (which my husband does not agree with and we do not do in our home, so he doesn’t want our kids being raised with this) and other things of this aspect. A lot of these cultural aspects, I refer to my husband. If they’re important to him, we do them. And he’s never wanted to do anything that would be harmful to myself or our kids. Most of his culture is amazing, and our children are being raised in it. I’m not against it at all. There are just certain aspects of it that both my husband and I don’t agree with, since they are dated.
One tiny thing that came about when I had a daughter, was ear piercing. It’s a big deal in my husband’s culture that the baby girls get their ears pierced pretty much at birth. I wasn’t comfortable with it. I know they won’t remember it and wasn’t so much the pain aspect, but moreso I wanted her to be able to decide. Yes, the holes close up, but I’d rather her get to decide when or if she pierces them, when she’s older. I told my mother-in-law this, every time she pestered me (pretty much from the time I was post-labor and she came to visit me in the hospital). My husband agreed with me. Now, mother-in-law has watched our kids a handful of times since she was born and daughter never came back with earrings, so I assumed we were safe and that maybe she was respecting our parenting.
Then last weekend, we went out to run a few errands kid free. Mother-in-law kept them out a bit later and when she returned….my daughter had pierced ears. She said she had my sister-in-law (husband’s sister) do them. She’s done them for all the babies in the family and it was tradition. I was pissed. I felt so violated, took my kids and told her to leave. My husband was equally as pissed and they argued outside, in their native language, for quite a bit, before mother-in-law left.
I’ve since decided I don’t want mother-in-law alone with the kids. I’m not banning her from them, period, but she’s not going to be able to babysit anymore. My husband is on the fence, but says he’ll back me up either way. As soon a its safe to, I’m removing the earrings. My husband’s family is saying I’m being so disrespectful and I’ve said that I just don’t trust her, since she’s contiously disrespected my parenting.
Am I being an ass here?
People commented on the situation and it was pretty universal: Not the Asshole. Not at all.
NTA that is absolutely NOT OKAY.
its not like oh she painted your kids nails and that washes off.
No she put HOLES in YOUR BABY’s ears,
Fuck that, id also not let SIL be alone with my kids after that, but thats just me.
NTA. Your children not hers. If she can’t respect the decisions you and your husband make then she isn’t fit to babysit.
Definitely NTA. The mother in law went behind your back when you explicitly said you don’t want your kid’s ears pierced which is not ok. If she can’t be trusted to follow your simple instructions she shouldn’t be allowed to watch your children
Lead image: Wikimedia Commons