When you have a new baby, life is drastically upended for a few months.
That baby needs constant attention and food, and you will be exhausted like you have never been exhausted before.
Luckily, once you find a routine things get easier, but sometimes an unhelpful partner can prevent you from getting in the groove.
On Reddit, one new mom is complaining that her husband is not only supremely unhelpful but has been making misogynistic jokes at her expense.
Definitely not the kind of teamwork you need to get that baby adjusted.
“I (F33) and husband (M37) had a baby 5 months ago. He really wanted kids, I was on the fence. However, I am the one who does 99% of the baby stuff. Asking him to do something is like pulling teeth sometimes. He keeps making jokes like he doesn’t need to do stuff, he has a wife for that, or he can’t do something, he’s holding the baby. But when I have her I’m expected to do everything,” the OP writes.
“So earlier I was talking about sleep training, how if dad does the check-ins then baby doesn’t expect food, so he makes a ‘joke’ about how he’ll just give me one of his t-shirts so he doesn’t have to do anything. I lost it and said, ‘Why do you have to be such a dick!?’ I feel like he makes these jokes at my expense, constantly. They’re kind of demeaning and hurt my feelings. But whenever I say something back I’m ‘so mean.'”
“Anyway, he took his things and is now sleeping on the couch. I went and said sorry for losing my cool and trying to explain how constantly making chauvinist jokes since he got home had resulted in eventually the last straw. But he is ignoring me. AITA here?”
Taking care of a baby is a TEAM EFFORT. What do Redditors think the OP should do in this situation?
“NTA. Ask him if he would like his custody split, because if he keeps this shit up, you are leaving him. One baby is enough, you don’t need him acting like a child on top of it. And for goodness sake, if/when you wind up leaving him, get a proper legal custody agreement,” said False-Explanation702.
“NTA Why are YOU apologizing?!?! HE owes you an apology. I would have left him on the couch so he can think about all the hard work you put in. There is nothing funny about someone who uses jokes to belittle you and has misogynistic views. I would suggest couples therapy. It works wonders,” advised Beautiful_mistakes.
“You are totally in the right here. He is being chauvinist. Why was he so desperate for a child if he doesn’t want to actually do anything? He needs to change his behaviour NOW or he will just never actually parent. He’s a grown ass man who wants a trophy kid and a wife in her ‘place.’ Just ignore him back, he’ll get over it. I would suggest sitting him down and having a very serious chat about this. Remind him that being a father is not a ceremonial role and he actually has to do practical things. You also can’t be expected to be up every single night, several times a night, all by yourself. Otherwise you’ll be so exhausted he’s going to have more than he bargained for,” said weegmack.
“I’d recommend googling ‘Checklist for Gender Equality in Your Everyday Life.’ It’s a nifty little spreadsheet where you each tick boxes as you see them apply, in order to get a good grasp of what’s going on in the house regarding responsibilities. It’s made by Swedish health care professionals. It can be a good start for change,” suggested cantopenmycoc0nut.
The OP edited her original post to explain that she had a conversation with her husband, and he said she was not “pulling her weight” because she isn’t job hunting and that once she gets a job, they can “divide tasks more equally.” Until then, as most new moms know, the OP just gets to “lay about the house and take naps.”
You know what they say—sleep when the baby sleeps. Or else you will become a sleep-deprived mess.
Maybe this new dad needs a day alone with the baby, but as another Redditor said, I’m not quite sure I would trust him with that.
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