Kate Hackett
Parenting styles are very subjective and personal; we’d never sit on our Internet soapbox and criticize people who are just doing their absolute best while figuring out the hardest job they’ve ever done completely on the fly.
What we DO like, however, is sharing resources for people who may want or need them! So when we saw Jessica Stacy sharing videos on TikTok about how she teaches and raises her children, we knew we wanted to offer the ideas to you.
Jessica is a licensed therapist who has begun a conversation on TikTok about her own personal rules for her kids. Here are some of them:
By popular request, as a licensed therapist who’s been in practice for 20 years and a mom, here are five things that I don’t do with my kids.
1. Consent
I ask for consent when I go to hug my kids. I teach them the importance of bodily autonomy and advocating for themselves and saying “no” when they’re uncomfortable.
2. Comments on their bodies
I don’t comment on their bodies. We discussed the importance of physical exercise and nutrition, and we just don’t talk about bodies, and I don’t talk about my own in front of them either.
3. Money
I don’t talk about finances in front of my kids. I don’t talk about how much money I make or where my money goes. That’s not for them to be concerned about.
4. Comparisons
I don’t compare my kids to each other or ask them for a change that’s more like their sibling.
5. Food
I don’t place value on food and I don’t reward or punish with it.
Jessica also shared a part two!
6. No shame
I do not shame or judge them for anything related to sexuality or gender expression.
7. Emotions
They can express any emotion or feeling they want.
8. Grades
I don’t place value on grades and I don’t judge them for what grades they bring home.
9. Fear
I do not use fear as a motivational tool.
10. Blind trust
I do not teach them to just trust authority figures. I teach them that trust and authority are earned.
Some of Jessica’s bullet points sparked a bit of controversy – I personally don’t completely agree with the money one and it seems that at least one person on TikTok agreed with me.
“I wish my mom discussed finances. I had a very hard time as a young adult. Didn’t need to know their personal stuff though,” wrote in user Kim Kizito.
“I tell my son ” we can’t afford that “.. I think talking about finances is crucial. Wouldn’t want him to become entitled,” said someone else on TikTok.
Another person noted, “I would never care if my parent hugged me without asking I would care if they didn’t stop when I asked them to.”
Someone on Facebook also didn’t like the no-hugs-rule. “She will never know the shared joy of tackling a cheeky 2 year old hugging them and shouting I love you SO much. Everyone giggling like mad. Then the 2 year old sneaks up and does it back to you. If you think that’s wrong somehow then you are seriously messed up.”
