Kate Hackett
Trial-by-fire parenting really just means “toss your kid in and see what happens!” It’s no longer a super recommended technique, but that doesn’t mean people have stopped letting go of the bike and yelling “pedal!”
Recently u/MynameMB asked, “What’s your worst story from the ‘throw him in the pool, he’ll learn how to swim’ parenting style?”
Here are some of the best tales.
1. Camping
I had never gone camping before I was 11, I really wanted to go with my ten-year-old cousin. My parents took me to the woods, and handed us the tent and a half full bag of ranch doritios , and like a pack of brautworsts, and my seven year old sister.
Then they pulled off, leaving us to camp for the first time alone in the woods with a seven year old. Not a fun weekend. I never went camping again, but it was apparently fine because that’s how my dad and uncle learned. I’m just grateful for the lack of serial killers, and black bears. – UrDadTxtMe
2. End of driving lessons
My dad, when he decided to give me driving lessons when I was a teenager, which turned out to be a driving lessON, singular. He took me to the parking lot across the street from our house, and had me tool around to get used to the steering and pedals for about 15 minutes.
Then, annoyed that I wasn’t catching on fast enough for his taste, he decided we should go on the actual road and I’d learn faster in a more challenging environment. Cue him barking orders to, “Speed up, slow down, HIT THE BRAKES!” in an increasingly frustrated voice as I tooled along, terrified I was going to hit someone.
The culmination of our lesson came when he noticed we were low on gas, and told me to pull into the gas station. Keep in mind- my sum total of driving experience at this point was about 25minutes, which did not include parallel parking. I pulled into the gas station and came at the pump at something like a 30-degree angle.
He grabbed the steering wheel to correct and actually yelled at me, “JESUS CHRIST!! DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE?!” To which I said, “NO!!! I DON’T!! YOU’RE TEACHINGME, REMEMBER!”
He drove back home silently. That was the end of Dad’s driving lessons. I signed up with a driving school after that. – SigourneyReaver
3. Tossed her in
I was scared of the deep end so my dad threw me in. My cousin parked a inflatable mattress In the corner I was in immediately. My parents supposedly yelled at him to move, he didn’t. I don’t know how long I was was under the mattress for, but I was spitting up water/choking when I came back up. I was maybe 6 at the time? – Gone_cognito
4. First period
When I got my very first period, then my family made a trip to the pool the next day. My mom shrugged it off and told me, “you don’t bleed when when you’re swimming” and never said another word about it. Spent the entire time taking trips to the bathroom. – trolleywassad
5. Getting down
My younger cousin (4 at the time) was a climber and always needed help getting down. His dad told his mom to leave him. He’ll either learn how to get down himself or stop climbing. Cousin ended up climbing onto the roof, fell off and got impaled on a fence pole. One very expensive trip to the er and he now has a cool scar on his thigh. – idontdigdinosaurs
6. Zoo
I was volunteering at a parent-child zoo day, and saw a few parents like this. The zoo had some free roaming peacocks, and it was awful how many parents just didn’t tell their too-young-to-know kids that they can be mean. So the little toddler goes, “wow, pretty bird” and tries to get a closer look, only to get chased and attacked by this thing while the parents watch. Most of them said something like “you should have known better”; like, HOW if you never teach them! The child can barely walk, you expect them to remember that some animals have a strong territorial sense? And then your baby gets terrorized by this thing that’s bigger than them and looks like an alien for all they know, and you don’t even give them a hug?
7. Sick days
When I was about 5 or 6, I was very sick with a flu. Fever, vomiting, sweating, congestion, it was awful. There was some mixup at the pharmacy, and they thought I was my father and gave him adult medication-basically these giant horse pills.
Now, normal child medication for things like this are syrups and chewable shit for obvious reasons. My dad comes home and tells me I have to take these meds. I have a hard time getting them down, almost choking a few times.
My dad got frustrated and literally started shoving these huge pills down my sore throat with his angrily shaking fingers. I started crying, my nose was stuffed so I could only breathe through my mouth.. I remember my dad’s wedding ring banging against my teeth, eyes watering, gasping for air while looking at my mom for help.
Eventually I coughed it back up, crying and throat on fire. I remember my mom demanding an apology from my dad, who just said “Well, he’s going to have to learn to take pills like that sometime anyway” and stormed off. – heyitsEnricoPallazzo
8. Picky eater
I was always a picky eater growing up. One time my mom sat me down with a small bowl of almonds and told me I couldn’t get up out of my seat until I finished it. I insisted that I hated them and they were making my mouth itch, she thought I was just being difficult. I just started to swallow the almonds like pills because my mouth was so itchy from chewing on them. A couple years later I saw and allergist and discovered I was allergic to tree nuts. – CosmonautCaveman
9. Man up
Father told me to “man up” while my apendix was rupturing. Made it to the hospital and to emergency surgery with about half an hour to spare.- xDegausser
10. Survival skills
My stepmom walked us (me, sister, brother 10-12) deep into the woods and left us there to learn ‘survival skills’. We thought we were all out on a hike then she distracted us, and ran away. We wandered into camp hours later; we knew how to get back but searched for hours worried that something had happened to her. She was drinking margaritas and smirking. – visviva1
11. Poor kid
Throw him on a stage, he’ll learn how to play & sing. – [deleted]
12. Shave.
When I was 13, I had a scraggly first mustache/beard coming in and my mom asked my stepdad (who hated me) to buy me a razor, so he did. When he comes home from the store, he throws it to me and says “here. Try not to cut your throat” – SixxTheSanman
13. Parking
Mom tried to teach me how to parallel park by saying “You watched the video for class now do it” and kept yelling at me the whole time. I floored it into the curb, stopped abruptly, and 1 huge pop later I’m actually taught how to change a tire. – ExcaliBurrito69
14. A Cyst
“Just walk it off!” My dad, when I developed a big nasty cyst on my toe when my mom was away on a stressful trip. She was not pleased to come back and have to immediately drive me to the hospital. It got to the point where I took one step on it and almost passed out. He apologized afterward. Got a sandwich from a really good sandwich place and I forgave him. Now I laugh about it. – Rubricae98
15. Just no
My mom forced me to drink milk and she thought i just hate healthy stuff and only prefer junk food. The thing is i always loved veggies but i also liked junk food basically I love food except for milk. I just couldn’t consume milk, it’d make me vomit and then I’d have sudden acid reflux not being able to handle it. She thought i was acting to escape but I just hated it. Turns out I’m lactose intolerant and my mom still thinks I’m making that up just because she can’t let go of her ego. – karanth1
16. Learn to tie your shoes
They didn’t want to teach me to tie my shoes, because my mum said “I had to learn that myself, so should you! – Roli_Rules
