Normally I’m a “stay the hell out of parenting” kind of person. People are going to make the choices they make and it’s not a great idea to stick your nose in because a) you are probably wrong and b) it’s not your circus, not your monkeys.
But sometimes, sometimes, people can kind of deserve the verbal smackdown.
Redditor u/throwaway0292720 recently had an interaction with her sister that feels pretty worth the criticism. Here’s her story:
Throwaway. I (32F) have a 14 year old daughter Jess. Her father and my husband died in an accident when she was young, so it’s been just us two for a long time. As a result we are very close and she’s a lot more open to me then most kids are with their parents.
OP shares that she has a daughter and it’s been just them since OP’s husband/Jess’ dad died in an accident. The pair are very close.
Around a week ago she asked me if I could take her to the movies on a date with a guy in her class. I know the guy distantly because they’ve done some extra curriculars together and I was thrilled he was my daughters first ‘boyfriend’.
Jess is 14 and starting to date; just the other week, she had a movie date with a boy in her school. OP was thrilled, the kid seems sweet and polite. It’s all very adorable.
I took them a few days ago and they ended up hanging out at our house for a bit afterwards. He was extremely polite and maybe it’s just the mum inside me but I couldn’t be happier for her.
OP went to her sister’s house for coffee. Sister’s two kids live with their dad after a messy divorce; the reason they live with Dad is because OP’s sister was really overbearing.
I went to my older sisters house for coffee earlier this morning. Backstory, my sister has two teenagers (16 and 17), who live almost full time with their dad. They had a very messy divorce around three years ago, and both kids choose to live with their dad. The reason for this was because my sister was extremely over bearing on them.
OP explains that her sister was of the mind that the kids had no privacy or agency until they were adults. Obviously that went over SWIMMINGLY.
She was the kind of mum who believed kids should have no privacy and she should run their lives until they were adults. I know she had many arguments with them because she would take away their doors, not let them hang out with friends, search through their phones every night etc.
This treatment of the kids, according to OP, was also the reason for the divorce. And while OP loves her sister, she also totally understands why the kids left.
This was the primary reason for her divorce, although she won’t admit that. While I love her, as someone who grew up with little privacy I fully understand why her kids don’t want to live with her.
OP shared the story about her daughter’s first date with her sister, who reacted like a LUNATIC.
My daughter came up in conversation and so bought up her first date. When I explained how it went, my sister laughed and told me that I must be joking. When she realised I was serious, she told me I was a terrible mother for letting my daughter walk all over me and not setting boundaries.
The sister told OP that she was a bad mom (WHAT) and that a 14 year old should not be allowed to go out alone.
She ranted on for a while but she basically said that 14 year olds are incapable of going out themselves and that I was being lazy and neglectful by allowing her to do that. She also said ‘I would never allow my kids to do that,’ so I replied by saying ‘That’s exactly why your kids live with their dad.’
When the sister said she wouldn’t let her kids do that, OP said “That’s why your kids live with their dad”. The sister ended the visit and OP now wonders if she crossed a line.
She got very quiet and then told me to leave. When I got home I started thinking more about what I said and while at the time I thought I was simply telling her what she needed to hear, now I’m wondering if I crossed the line.