When it’s time to choose an engagement ring, it’s a good idea to be on the same page about the budget.
Obviously, there are going to be conversations about how much is okay to spend and what expectations are, but at the end of the day, the couple should ideally and happily agree. It is an engagement after all!
But one Redditor is digging in his heels and actually mocking his fiancée, who initially wanted an expensive ring but is open to compromise. The OP? Not so much into compromise.
“Friends said I was cheap and should reconsider marrying my fiancée so I’m going to ask for some unbiased opinions here. Background: I work as a software engineer and I grew up upper middle class (parents make a total of around 300k). My fiancée’s family is significantly wealthier and she grew up imo financially irresponsible, dropping 10k a month on clothes is a regular. She is a cardiovascular residency student.”
“I recently proposed to her with the consideration of her picking her own ring. She took me to Tiffany, and some other obscure brands to try on rings and I told her it was WAY out of my budget (20k+). She tried to ask if I was willing to split the cost of the ring 50/50. With her wanting big name brands, engagement and wedding ring for us both would cost way over my $500 budget for jewelry.”
“She relented and sent me a link to a ring that cost $1000 (not including tax). Obviously I said no again, I can’t understand what her obsession is with jewels to be honest. I don’t even plan on wearing my wedding ring because I’m not a jewelry guy. When I told my fiancée, she just gave me a ‘yikes,’ rolled over and went to sleep.”
“A couple days later, our mutual friend (from her middle/high school and my university) said I’m being too cheap. Their social circle has some expectations of 2 carat diamond ring so fiancée expected something along those lines. Objecting to a $1000 ring makes her reconsider marrying me blah blah blah. I don’t think I’ll be convinced into spending more and I told my fiancée so.”
“Confronted her about gossiping about me to our friends. She blew up saying I put her under a lot of pressure by being sensitive to our different finances. Doubting she can have the wedding of her dreams under my budget and made it clear that I don’t dictate how much she can spend (which I don’t in the first place). Wants a prenup now and won’t speak to me over circles of metal. I don’t really question her budgeting outside of this issue and it’s the only time we’ve fought. I honestly can’t believe she has the audacity to air out our financial situation to our mutual friends. AITA for not wanting to spend money on trivial jewelry that serves no practicality?”
I mean, it’s totally fine to have a budget for your wedding ring. But it’s the OP’s flippant tone about his fiancée — who compromised — that is giving me pause.
What do Redditors think about this situation? Is the OP being too stubborn about something that is so “trivial”?
“YTA – not because of your budget but because you seem hell bent on rings being trivial and refuse to understand that it isn’t trivial to your partner,” said [deleted].
“I think he’s the a*shole for the budget too – she’s budged from $20k to $1k and is even offering to go 50/50 which actually puts the $1k ring in his budget. She’s compromised to the point any more would be capitulation instead of compromise. This guy wants an engagement ring and two wedding bands/rings for under $500 total? Is he f*cking high,” asked Imamuramama.
“YTA – I normally agree people are crazy with their expectations for weddings but she moved from a $20,000 expectation for the ring which doesn’t seem unreasonable based on how you describe her social circle and family to finding one she liked $1,000 and you have no flexibility on $500. Honestly it sounds like you care more about your ‘budget’ than your fiancée,” said hwigetty.
“A $500 budget for engagement and wedding rings for both of you is WAY too low unless you’re in a tough financial spot, which it doesn’t sound like is the case here. Why did you share your family’s income but not yours? YTA though, certainly, for how flippantly you’re speaking about something that is clearly important to your fiancée,” observed quarterhorsemom.
“Eh, that’s about what my wife and I spent for some simple, quality rings – the big difference is that’s also what we agreed on together. If we had different budget ideas we would have compromised and met somewhere in the middle. OPs partner even tried compromising and OP won’t budge. YTA all the way for that,” said GeckoCowboy.
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