Most weddings have the typical meal options. There’s normally a chicken, steak, fish, or veggie selection to cater to everyone’s preference or dietary restrictions.
You’d think a vegan wedding would also consider the same when it comes to allergies and potential objections. Especially for the sister of your new spouse.
One Redditor found herself in a frustrating situation when her new sister-in-law accused her of “ruining her wedding” because she brought eggs to her vegan wedding.
Even though OP discussed this choice with her brother (the groom) her new sister-in-law wasn’t happy about it.
After reflecting on the events that unfolded, she turned to the popular subreddit “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA) to find out if she was in the wrong for bringing her own food to the wedding. Here’s what she said:
AITA for bringing eggs to a vegan wedding?
OP Explains:
“I realise from the title I probably immediately sound like TA, but hear me out.
So my (21F) brother (26M) got married last weekend. He and my new SIL (26F) had known each other for a few years now, and naturally, I was invited to the wedding. She had been vegan since she was 12 and had also converted my brother in recent years, so they decided to make the wedding vegan.”
“Basically, this meant that all the catering was vegan food, even the alcohol, and they used petals from their garden instead of plastic confetti and things like that to make the wedding as eco-friendly as possible. I have no problem with any of this and think it’s great.”
“Anyway, the problem is this. The issue I often have with eating anywhere is that I have multiple allergies: peanuts, soy, sesame, and a mild shellfish allergy as well. The first 3 I named are very serious and have landed me in hospital in the past became of cross-contamination, so I’m really weary. I talked to my brother about if there would be anything safe for me to eat at the event, but because they’re using a local neighborhood lady’s business as the catering service instead of something professional I did not feel comfortable enough that there was absolutely zero chance of me having a reaction, especially because the allergens were ingredients in many of the dishes. It felt too risky, so I said I’d bring my own food and he agreed that was the best option. I’ve done this with plenty of such events in the past and it’s never been a problem.”
“The wedding day arrives and it comes time to eat. Everyone is digging into the food, and I pull out my Tupperware quite happily and dig in when I see the bride staring at me with horror on her face. I had bought a homemade sort of salad box which had 2 eggs on top and she literally just stared at me in disgust the entire time we ate without saying anything.
“After the meal is finished, she pulled me to the side and said I ‘ruined her meal and her appetite’ and ‘ruined her day’ and that I’m clearly ‘a selfish person because I can’t even go one meal without animal secretions in a vegan wedding’ and that it was seriously disrespectful because the fact it was a vegan wedding was the main focus.”
“In my eyes, I bought my own food because they weren’t able to provide me with something which was safe to eat, and it’s not like I brought a steak. I had 2 eggs in a big salad and she must have been specifically staring at my food to even realise they were there. However I’m beginning to wonder if I’m the asshole because my brother also said it was in poor taste and I should have brought something else. So what are your thoughts, AITA?”
The Following Are Acceptable Responses:
NTA – Not the A**hole
YTA – You’re the A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Commenters Overrwhelmingly Responded NTA:
“NTA. While I understand having dietary restrictions and it being her day…You have unavoidable dietary restrictions, in that you are severely allergic to some foods, some of which were listed in the ingredients.
You talked it out and got permission to bring your own food. You did your due diligence. From there, it is the responsibility of your brother to mention to his new wife what is going on.
NTA, not remotely.”
Someone Replied:
“Agreed here…if the expectation was for the wedding to be 100% vegan, your brother should have brought that up when you asked about bringing your own meal. Or better yet – if they’re so particular, they could have provided a vegan meal you could be safe eating.”
— mooissa
Honestly I think her brother is TA for not ensuring she had a safe meal. She’s family, not a random plus one and I think it’s on the people having the wedding to ensure dietary requirements are catered to. Since he and his wife failed to be hospitable to the OP by providing food she can eat without dying or becoming severely ill, he gets no say in what she eats. If they cared they would have provided her with something to eat.
Sorry, the focus of her wedding was veganism? Not that she was making a commitment to the person she loves? She’s an ass for that comment alone.
But you’re NTA, if they were unable to cater to you, they have no right to take offense of what you made yourself.
NTA. Your brother seems like he dropped the ball, though. His wife seems pretty overbearing and he should have spoken up; if there were going to be limitations on what you could bring, he should have said something in advance. You were not in the wrong for bringing your own meal.
I dont think the brother thought it would be a big deal no matter what she brought. The wife seems like the militant vegan type who cant handle people eating whatever they want. The comment “vegan wedding was the main focus” makes me think that…. NTA new wife is
“NTA. Were there guidelines or restrictions on the food you were allowed to bring? Were you made aware of them? Was anaphylactic shock preferable to eggs? The bridezilla was looking to make an issue, no matter what you did she would have had a problem. It sucks to suck.”
OP Replied:
“My brother didn’t say I have to bring vegan food, he just said I can bring my own food and we didn’t discuss specifics or anything like that further. I knew it was a wedding that was vegan in theme and all the catering was vegan, but it’s not like I got a memo saying that if I wore a leather jacket or had a chocolate bar I’d be sent out or anything. I did not have the impression it was so serious.”
Some Commenters Disagree, However:
“Eh, ESH.
You shouldn’t have brought eggs to a vegan wedding. I’m sure you could have found something vegan you were comfortable with eating.
On the other hand, she was acting like you slaughtered a cow and ate it raw right on her wedding dining table. It was a bit dramatic. If seeing a person eating 2 eggs ruins her day, I don’t know how she gets through life, goes to restaurants, watches movies or tv, literally anything without being angry all the time. Bro was right, “poor taste” is the right classification, but “ruined her day” is way overblown. Having said that, I imagine vegans will disagree and say YTA and provide their point of view. This will be a fun one, lol.”
Unpopular but YTA. Really easy to bring something vegan to eat. Should have been obvious that a loudly vegan wedding wouldn’t want animal products at it and would have been the courteous and sensitive thing to do. Also, cold hard-boiled eggs stink of cold hard-boiled eggs.
“ESH.
It’s pretty much the same as bringing a steak to a vegetarian’s home. It’s just stuff you don’t do out of decency. If you really wanted to bring animal products to a vegan wedding, you should have checked in with the couple first to be sure.
Still, her reaction was way over the top so it’s a clear ESH for me.”