A future bridesmaid quickly lost enthusiasm when she was asked to throw away her beliefs and customs to participate in a wedding. Reddit user (u/AITA-Hijabi) a practicing Muslim, went through a quarrel with the bride-to-be when she was asked to remove her hijab for the wedding ceremony. The bride likely didn’t mean to make things so serious. However, her desire to have every bridesmaid look identical was too much to accomplish a compromise.
The offended bridesmaid brought the story to the ‘AITA?‘ community, a subreddit for morally challenging scenarios. It’s fair to mention that there was a compromise from the bride when it came to the dresses her bridesmaids would wear. Unfortunately, a little miscommunication can go a long way. Read the full story below!
This Muslim bridesmaid asked regarding her hijab: “AITA for backing out of being a bridesmaid for my friend rather than take off my hijab, even after the other bridesmaids bought modest dresses to accommodate me?”
OP (original poster) started her story off by providing context about her and the bride’s history. The two had been friends for 5 years, and the bride was well aware that OP couldn’t remove her hijab while in public spaces. She did mention, however, that she had removed it in front of her friend before, but only because her audience consisted of trusted female friends.
We have been friends for 5 years, and in the whole time she’s known me I’ve never taken my hijab off around men from outside my family. I have taken it off in front of her before, but only because I was only around women, and she knew this was the case.
She originally offered to wear a different dress than the other bridesmaids so that the bride could have her other supporters in a dress of her preference.
However, all the bridesmaids agreed that they would wear the same dress and conform to OP’s needs. This selfless act set the story off to a good start. Knowing that her hijab would likely fall off while trying on dresses, OP removed it for the modeling session.
When we were trying on bridesmaid dresses, I offered to wear a different dress to the other bridesmaids or wear a covering over the dress so they didn’t all have to conform to my needs regarding the modesty of the dress. We settled on all wearing a dress that I could wear, as the bride wanted us to match. I was happy that they accommodated me, and none of them seemed to mind wearing a more modest dress than they might have worn otherwise.
OP approached the bride about what color her hijab should be, but was met with an off-putting response.
Yesterday I asked the bride if she wanted me to wear a scarf that matched the dress or of a different colour. She was startled and told me she was expecting me not to wear a hijab, because when she said she wanted us all to match she thought I understood she meant not just the dresses, but that I would not be wearing a hijab. She also said that she thought I would be ok with it since I took my hijab off while trying on dresses, which I only did because I was only around women and I was trying on some dresses that go over the head so I felt the hijab would have fallen off anyway.
Identifying as a Muslim, OP explained to the bride that if she couldn’t wear a hijab, she couldn’t be a bridesmaid.
The other bridesmaids had already begun with altercations of their dresses. However, how could OP have known at the time that the bride was implying the removal of her hijab the whole time? Wearing a hijab is a practice of Muslim women. In some countries, wearing the garment is enforced at all times. In America, hijabs are not enforced by the government but are still practiced by those of the Islamic faith. To wear this material is to practice modesty and privacy, as well as pride in their religion.
I said that if I could not wear a hijab as a bridesmaid, I would not be able to be a bridesmaid. My friend is now frustrated as some of the other bridesmaids have made alterations to the dresses and cannot return them, and she would have wanted them to wear a different dress if it were not for my modesty needs. She’s also annoyed that I have backed out as now there is an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
Now, the bride-to-be is upset with OP for throwing off the ‘feng shui’ of the wedding ceremony.
She says she tried her best to make a compromise with me, the modest dress but no hijab, and I should have explicitly said I would need to wear my hijab and not taken it off while trying on dresses. I think she should have explicitly asked if I would go without before committing to a compromise I didn’t even know about.
AITA?
In a follow-up edit, OP mentioned that the other bridesmaids were backing her side of the story.
Edit: I messaged the other bridesmaids explaining that I can’t be a bridesmaid anymore as the bride doesn’t want me wearing a hijab, and the responses are coming in very much anti-bride so far. I’m hoping the others disagreeing with her on this will snap her out of it. It seems like she’s overall stressed and focusing in on this one thing too much and hopefully if she stops to think about it she’ll register that it’s not a big deal if I’m wearing a hijab.
The ‘AITA’ subreddit generates some real doozies. Asking one of your best friends to go against her religion so things can be more aesthetic is up there with the worse. The OP mentioned that her friend meant no disrespect to her being a Muslim. She also mentioned that the bride was most likely just really stressed. Still, it wasn’t very friendly to ask someone to go against their beliefs.
Redditors also backed up OP on her story, stating that she absolutely was “Not the A-hole” in this situation.
What are your thoughts on this Muslim bridesmaid’s hijab? Check out another ‘AITA?’ story: here!